As Always, Love Bella
by LittleBundleOfAcid
Summary: Lizzie Black finds her mother's bucket list when she clears out her room after her suicide. Bella never got to finish her list, so Lizzie has decided to finish it for her. Of course, she meets the Cullens. Who knew one little list could mean so much?
1. Chapter 1: Tears

_Dear Edward,_

_I know I said I wouldn't write again, but I have too. Jake's dead. He, Emma-Mey, Allie and Carl were in the Rabbit when a drunk driver hit them straight on. Jake survived on life support for three days, but the others were killed instantly. I can't believe they're gone._

_It hurts so much. Lizzie is all I have left, and she's pulling away. I know she's hurting, but she won't tell me anything. Damn Swan blood. She's going to run, as soon as she can, I can feel it. I'm going to lose the last baby I have left and there is absolutley nothing I can do to stop it. _

_I miss you._

_As always, Love Bella_

Lizzie

It had been three years since I had been home. Three years since I had stepped foot in the house I had grown up in. It seemed empty now, without my father's infectious laughter, and my mother's silent but noticeable feminine touches around the place.

It felt wrong to be here, and not see or rather hear my mother's slap make itself known as it hit the back of my father's guffawing head. It felt wrong not to anticipate that slap, to not listen out for it when my father made a stupid (or more likely) lewd joke.

I felt angry when I passed my two sisters and my brother's empty bedrooms. Emma-Mey had only been 18 when the drunk driver had hit them, as had Allie. Carl had only been 17 As affected as I was by my sisters' deaths, my twin's had hit me even harder. Carl-Jasper (my mother had always insisted on calling him that) and I had been extremely close. While we had fought just like any other brother and sister, I had trusted him with everything.

Carl had been the one I had told first when I made out with Jack Walker, he had been the one I had trusted with every teenage secret I had held. He had trusted me just as much, telling me his secrets just as I told him mine. I had been the only one that when he watched movies like Mr. and Mrs. Smith he stared at Brad Pitt instead of Angelina Jolie. I had been the one that he had poured his fears out to constantly, had been the one to reassure him that no one would hate him just because he did not like girls.

I had been the only one that had ever pleaded with Carl to just tell our parents, as I had been the only one that had ever been able to see how much keeping his secret was hurting him.

I would have traded anything to have those moments back again, even if the mere memory could and did bring me to tears. If I could have those moments back...there was so much I would change.

It was not until I reached my parents' room that I completely and utterly broke down. The picture on the bedside table undid me. It was one of all of us at a bonfire. I could remember Aunt Emily taking the picture after Uncle Sam, Grandpa Billy and Dad had finished telling the legends. The bonfire had been held to celebrate Clares' turning 18 Carl and I had just turned 13 and Emma-Mey and Allie had been 14 They were sitting, well more like lying across our parent's laps. Their hands were hanging around Mom and Dad's shoulders, and Carl and I were standing behind them, shaking our heads in mock disapproval. All of us wore cheesy grins, and it was clear we were content and happy.

As my tears dropped on the glass of the photoframe, more memories of family outings, My parents had always made sure that we had known how much they loved us, even when we were going through the difficult stages of life as teenagers. They hadn't been the type of parents that we would have been afraid to go to when something was wrong. All of us had been able to tell them anything, and had.

Even though it hurt to think of my family now that they were gone, I couldn't help but smile through my tears as I remembered confiding in my Dad that I had gotten on the back of Jack Walker's motorbike. He had stared at me for a second, laughed and told me not to worry about it, that if he and my Mom grounded me for that they would have been hypocrites. He had then proceeded to tell me of the bikes he had helped my Mom work on. I had been obsessed with motorbikes ever since, and owned four of them at the moment.

The bed dipped as someone sat down beside me, and as I felt their arms pull me to their chest I realized it was Aunt Leah. She was never one to make her own emotions (except anger) well known to others, but I could feel her body shaking as she whispered in my ear that would be okay.

"Okay? How can it be okay, Aunt Leah? Dad's gone, Carl, Emma-Mey and Allie are gone, and now Mom's gone and offed herself!"

I covered my face in my hands, desperate to hide from the pain that seemed unrelenting. Aunt Leah pulled them away and I saw that she was now kneeling in front of me on the floor in front of me. Her face was covered in tears too, and I could see the pain that I knew had to be in my eyes reflected in hers.

"It will be okay because you are strong, Lizzie, always have been. You are a Black, and Blacks always persevere. As if that isn't enough, you've also got your mother's blood - Swan blood."

I half-laughed, half-sobbed as she finished her attempt at a pep talk.

"If my mother was such a fighter, why did she jump off a bloody cliff?"

"Your mother was sick, Lizzie."

I shook my head, and went to stand up, but she pushed me back down. Aunt Leah stood up, and I could see the anger in her face, in the way she stood, and when she spoke, in her voice.

"Your mother had an illness that she hid from everyone. She wasn't herself, and yes, it's okay to be angry at her, but don't you dare demean her by saying she was not strong!"

With that, she walked out the door and told me she was going to get some boxes for me.

Two hours later, I was almost done. My Mom's clothes were packed up, as were my Dad's clothes and my siblings' clothes. Mom had obviously not been able to pack up their rooms, and frankly I couldn't blame her. Aunt Leah, Aunt Emily, Uncle Sam and a few of the others had helped pack up the rooms but I had sent them away ten minutes ago. I wanted to pack up my Mom's things on my own.

She had been a private person when she had been alive, and even though the others were honorary family, I didn't want them going through her things.

I found her diary in a shoebox at the end of her wardrobe. I placed it on her and Dad's bed. Reading her diary would have seemed wrong. I knew from my childhood that all she had used it for was to remember birthdays and anniversaries, but I still wouldn't have felt comfortable reading it.

There was a scrapbook in the box too, and when I opened it I was shocked. The photos glued into it were of people I didn't know, and each of them were the holders of angelic beauty. It was clearly a birthday party, even though there were only seven or eight people there.

My mother was in several of them, and even though she looked a bit uncomfortable and awkward, she looked happy. That was how I figured out that it was her birthday they were and the fact that everyone's attention was centred on her. The candles on the cake said it was her eighteenth birthday, and I realized this was my Mom before she had begun to date my Dad.

There was a picture of a man, probably about 17 or so, that she had bent in half before sticking it in. Curious, I took it and looked at it fully. She had hidden herself, effectively cutting herself out of the photograph. That was not the only thing that caught my attention though. The way my Mom was staring up at him reminded me of the way she had looked at my Dad. It was obvious she had loved him, but these had been taken just a year before she had started to date my Dad. What had happened?

I put the scrapbook with her diary on her bed, and took the last few things out of the box. All they were were pieces of paper, and as I picked them up I realized that most of them were letters. As I read them it became apparent that they were to the man in the photographs. Edward. They were letters of apology, letters of explanation and letters just telling him about her life. She told him reasons for our names. Reasons even I had not been aware of. He and his family had obviously been important to her if she had named her children for them. Excluding me, that was. It seemed I had been named for someone this Edward had cared for.

The last piece of paper was not a letter. It was more of a bucket list, a list of things my Mom had wanted to do before she died.

**Things I want to do before I die:**

_1. Track down Edward Cullen and tell him I'm okay. _

_2. Write a novel on mythical creatures. __**X**_

_3. Get Alice Cullen's real email address._

_4. Watch Marley and Me and not cry __**X**_

_5. Tell Jake how my feelings have changed. __**X**_

_6. Have a family with him.__**X**_

_7. Tell those kids how Jake and I got together (minus the V +W's) __**X**_

_8. Buy another bike, and ride it to Charlie's house. _

_9. Find Jasper Hale and tell him it wasn't his fault. _

_10. Slap Paul again, just to see if his control will hold._

_ a book published __**X**_

_12. Go skydiving_

_13. Give Emmett Cullen a bear hug again. _

_14. Get my degree in creative writing __**X**_

_15. Tell Elizabeth who she's named for._

_16. Find Rosalie Hale and taunt her about the fact that I still have my truck._

_17. Tell Edward that I love him. (even though I love Jake just as much)_

_18. Give Edward my letters._

_19. Learn how to fly a plane. _

_20. Go cliff-diving again, but with the whole pack this time. _

_21. Talk baby-talk to Leah just to check her temper control. _

The list had been important to my Mom, that much was obvious, but it had obviously been pushed aside too many times to take care of us when we were younger. It was at that moment that I decided that my Mom's list would be finished. My Mother had not been able to complete her bucket list so I would complete it for her.


	2. Chapter 2: Starting it out

_Dear Edward,_

_Jake and I found out two weeks ago that I am pregnant. I'm around three months now. I'm excited. I mean, neither of us planned on a honeymoon baby, but it wasn't as if we weren't planning to have a family in a few years anyway. _

_I know Renee is worried that I'm just repeating her and Charlie's mistakes, but I'm not. I love Jake and he loves me. _

_I actually squealed when I crossed having a family with Jake off my list. Me! _

_As Always, Love Bella._

Lizzie

I had decided that I would do the simpler things on my mom's list first. The skydiving had been what I had started with. It had taken me a few weeks to set up, but I had finally completed the first thing on the list I had set out to do on my Mom's list.

It had taken a few weeks to set up, but I had finally completed the first thing I had set out to do on my mom's list. Grandpa Billy and Grandpa Charlie had waited below for me as I had jumped. I had even persuaded Aunt Kim and Uncle Jared to do it with me. The rush of adrenaline that had spread through my veins as I had fallen thousands of feet was amazing. I could understand why my mom had wanted to skydive. It made me feel so free and the sense of uninhibitedness as I did it for my mom was amazing.

I also felt a sense of accomplishment, as I knew how proud my parents would have been of me had they still been alive. The sadness that accompanied those thoughts brought me to tears as I hugged both of my grandfathers after I landed. Had my sisters and brother been alive they would have been the ones to jump with me, not Aunt Kim and Uncle Jared.

It wasn't until a few days after that that I finally fully understood why my mom had wanted to go skydiving. She had wanted to feel alive, and honestly, who wouldn't? My mother had always been an adrenaline junky, and now I had no doubt she had wanted to skydive to feel alive and free.

After skydiving I had gotten on one of my bikes (my favourite one) and driven it up to Grandpa Charlie's house. Of course, he knows about my obsession with bikes, but we sort of had an agreement. I didn't crash on a bike and hurt myself and I made sure that he never actually saw me riding one. As long as I kept to those terms he wouldn't freak out and go 12 kinds of crazy on me.

Unfortunately, I had to break our agreement to complete Moms list. The moment he saw me on what he called a "death trap", his jaw dropped and his eyes bulged. I had gulped, as I had known exactly what his reaction would be, having witnessed it in the past. However, even as I sat there straddling my bike in the driveway of my grandfather's house waiting for his temper to be set free, I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through my veins again. It felt just as amazing as the last time, even if this wasn't as risky.

"What on Earth do you think you're doing? I told you that I never wanted to see you on one of those death traps! They're dangerous and you have no protection if you crash! Your leg could get caught on it, and you could get dragged along! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Because if you are, you're coming pretty close!"

And so his rant continued, for at (the very) least another half an hour. I stayed seated on my bike for this entire period of time, and though the adrenaline rush gradually faded, I felt alive, just as I had after skydiving.

After Charlie had finally finished his rant ending with the oh-so-familiar line of " so, what do you have to say for yourself, Missy?" I spoke for the first time.

"It was on Mom's list."

At my explanation, Grandpa Charlie let out the breath he had been holding, shook his head and walked inside his house while waving a hand back at me. I grinned before finally getting off my bike and following him inside.

I learned how to fly a plane next. It took about a dozen lessons before I could fly solo. My instructor Diane had been patient and had waited until both of us had been confident in my ability. The rush wasn't as that big for the first dozen lessons, considering the fact that I had always had Diane as a safety net right beside me.

The first time I flew solo it started to rain. Diane asked if I wanted to try flying solo for the first time on another day, but I told her I didn't. This was Washington, and rain was more common than sunshine here. To be honest, I was actually excited by the fact that it was raining. It would be harder to see, which would hopefully make my adrenaline rush that much stronger.

It did. Boy, oh boy did it make it stronger. I could feel it building slowly as I prepared to take off. It was just there, but it was muffled somehow, as if it was trapped behind a wall. As I pulled up and the plane was finally in the air and ascending it broke down that wall.

My veins were once again flooded with adrenaline, and I laughed with joy at the feeling as I leveled the plane out. Mom would have enjoyed this. She had been an adrenaline junkie, and (to me at least) it was becoming clear that I had inherited that particular trait.

I was enjoying completing my mom's bucket list, and not just because of the constant adrenaline rushes. It felt good to finish her list, knowing that at least through me she would experience all she had wanted to. The list had been pretty simple. I had been lucky that it had not included anything like a world cruise or a visit to the pyramids. If it had I would have been screwed, as there was no way I could have afforded either.

I had decided to leave slapping Paul and talking baby-talk to Leah for right before I left to find the Cullens/Hales that my mom had mentioned. Both were suicide missions as far as I was concerned, and I would not be trying until right before I left. The adrenaline I knew I would get after completing them would be amazing though.

The only item on the list besides the ones relating to the Cullens/Hales was cliff-diving with the pack. The problem was, I had no idea who or what the pack was. It sounded like a pack of wolves, but that was just a stupid stray bit of information floating around in my head. I had asked Grandpa Charlie and he had told me he had no idea, so I would ask Grandpa Billy next.

He had moved in with us when it had gotten too difficult for him to live on his own. Grandpa would never admit it, but he just couldn't manage on his own. Having him so close had been something I had been grateful for growing up.

His room was next to Carl's room. It was smaller than the rest, but I had never once heard him complain. Grandpa had spent a lot of time in his room since Mom had killed herself. He had been as damaged as the rest of us when Dad, Allie, Emma-Mey and Carl had been killed. Dad had been his only son, and his youngest child. He didn't get to see Aunt Rebecca's kids that often, and Aunt Rachel had never had any. The four of us had been the only grandchildren he had ever seen regularly, and he had lost three of us in one day. I doubted that I had helped him any by running off the moment I turned 18.

He was sitting down carving something when I walked in. I sat on the end of his bed, and watched him in silence for a few minutes before speaking.

"Mom mentioned something called a "pack" on her list. Do you know what she meant by it?"

I saw him take in a deep breath, almost as if he was trying to make a decision.

"Yeah, Honey, I do."

Just over half an hour later I was in shock. Grandpa Billy was still sitting in his chair, though his half-carved piece of wood had been placed on his desk. What he had told me was so unreal, but I knew he wasn't lying. It explained so much, but I was still finding it hard to believe.

"I know that it's hard to believe, Lizzie, but it is true."

"Uh-huh."

I frowned, thinking about what he had said. Dad had been the natural Alpha, so the gene was stronger in his kids than the others.

"Was Carl one of them? Was he a...wolf?"

"No! No, of course not. There haven't been vampires around in years, and the tribe only needs protection when they are."

I gave a bark of laughter, another habit I had inherited from Dad., before replying in a voice filled with disbelief.

"So now you expect me to believe that vampires exist as well as werewolves? You know what? Don't even try it, Grandpa, I don't think I could handle it right now. It is bad enough that I just found out that most of the people I consider my family have been keeping a secret this big from me!"

I turned and walked out the door. Closing my bedroom door behind me, I blinked back tears. I understand that it was a secret, and I even understood why it had to be kept a secret, but I still felt betrayed.

All those times that we had sat as a family beside a bonfire and listened as the legends were told, they had let us believe that they were just stories. When we had joked about them being real, they had joked along with us.

I came to a decision after a few minutes of deliberation. Powering up my laptop, I googled "Edward Cullen". I would persuade the "pack" to go cliff-diving as soon as I could stand to be around them, but staring to track down the Cullen/Hale family couldn't hurt in the meanwhile.


	3. Chapter 3: Sorry

_Dear Edward,_

_Jake and I got married last week. I think the fact that I have waited a week to write this is symbolism enough._

_It was the happiest day of my life so far. Everyone there seemed happy, even Charlie! But then, I've always known how he felt about Jake. Though how he would feel if he knew about the legends being real would probably be another matter._

_Emily, Leah and Kim helped me pick out my dress. They have quickly become my family, as have the rest of the pack. I miss all of you, of course. I kept thinking of how Alice, Rosalie and Esme would have helped. Well, taken over._

_I know that I'm only 20 years old, and that Jake is barely 18, but neither of us saw the point in waiting. We love each other, and yes, there is a chance that Jake will imprint on someone else, but we don't care. What's the point in Jake putting his life on hold for something that may or may not happen?_

_We didn't have a honeymoon, we just spent the weekend together. I wouldn't have changed it for the world._

_As Always, Love Bella._

Lizzie

My search did not have many hits. I was actually very surprised-nowadays most people turned up at least a dozen, but only three came up on my screen for "Edward Cullen".

I clicked on the one that said "Facebook page of Edward Cullen", but as soon as the page loaded realized it wasn't him. The man in the photographs in Mom's scrapbook was almost scarily beautiful, the one was just average. He looked as though he had the potential to be good-looking, but had wasted it. The arrow back to the previous page was the only thing I had time to click before my bedroom door was slammed back against the wall and Uncle Sam walked in.

He was angry - no - pissed at me, and the only reason I could think of was what Grandpa Billy had told me. If that was the reason for the look on his face I would have no problem with just getting on my bike and not coming back for a few hours.

"You're not helping him you know. All you are doing is hurting him even more. Bloody hell, Elizabeth, you're the only family he has left here. His daughters are in Hawaii and Washington D.C., his only other grandkids are in Hawaii and the rest of your family is dead. You've been gone for three years, you weren't here to see him get even worse.

Do you even care how much you leaving hurt him? Your Dad, Allie, Em and Carl had been dead less than a year, and you just upped and left without considering how it would affect anyone else. I know you were hurting Lizzie, but the rest of us were too. We would have helped you, we wanted to help you! All you had to do was talk, but instead you just locked yourself away.

You're family, Lizzie and we all love you, but you've got to start thinking about her your actions are effecting others, especially Billy."

While Uncle Sam talked he used his hands. I don't think he realized that he was moving them so much. It just seemed like he was so agitated that he had to use them to show me how much he meant the words he was saying.

When he was done he came over and sat on my desk, silently waiting for me to respond to his words. I couldn't look at him as I was too ashamed. Uncle Sam was right, and I knew that there was no way for me to defend myself.

The only excuse I had ever possessed had been that I had been trying to outrun the pain. It was a weak excuse, and even I knew I could not hide behind it any longer.

"I'm sorry."

Uncle Sam's look of disappointment was one I had never received before. It looked unnatural on his face, and I felt even more ashamed to be on the receiving end of it.

"I'm not the only one you should be apologizing to, Lizzie. Billy and the others deserve one and Charlie deserves one too. Billy at least has us, and even if Charlie had Sue, you were the only grandchild he had left, and you just disappeared.

It was six months before you even bothered to call any of us, and even after that your calls were maybe, what, one every fortnight?

You have a lot of "I'm Sorrys" to say before everything can go back to how it was before you ran away, Lizzie. "

I felt the oh-too-familiar sensation of tears rolling down my cheeks as he walked out the door. I bit my bottom lip to stop any sound from escaping as I sobbed, but it didn't work. At first it did, but then I began to sob harder, and sound escaped through my lips.

I wiped at my tear-streaked cheeks with my hands as I stood. When I looked in my wardrobe mirror I saw a girl with red-rimmed eyes that I had grown to resent throughout the years, and now she had hurt even more people she cared for. I had hurt even more people cared for.

It wasn't until I was walking down the hallway to Grandpa Billy's room that I actually realized I had moved. He was still sitting in his wheelchair when I walked in, and I immediately walked over and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

I had not hugged Grandpa Billy (or anyone for that matter) like this since before Dad and the others had died. It felt nice. I had loved giving and receiving hugs like this. Hugs that made both people involved feel safe and invincible.

I whispered my apology in his ear without letting go, and I felt his arms tighten around me even more as he listened.

"I'm so sorry, Grandpa. When I left I was only thinking about how much I was hurting, I was so selfish...I never even gave a thought as to how my leaving so soon after them dying would effect anyone else.

I love you so much, and I hate that I keep hurting you. You and everyone else. I'm going to be leaving soon for a while, but I swear I will be back. I promise. And Ill call you everyday, twice a day if you want me to! La Push is home, and this is home. You're here, and I promise you that I'm not going to just disappear again. "

I sobbed again, and I felt Grandpa Billy's hand begin to rub my back in comfort.

"Good. It's okay, you're here now, and that's all that matters. Ssssshhhhh, come on now, Lizzie, calm down. "

I felt waves of relief come over me as Grandpa Billy began his comfort hushes and reassurances. He had done this when I was younger. He had always used the same words to comfort me, and to hear him say them to me again was all the proof I needed that he had forgiven me.

"I love you too, Sweetheart."

I said a lot of apologies over the next few days, It showed how good the rest of my family was that they all excepted my apology when they could have so easily rejected it.

Had they done so I was not quite sure how I would have reacted. My family is important to me, and even though I had forgotten that importance for a few years, I could remember it now, and I did not plan on forgetting it again


	4. Chapter 4: Hello?

Sorry I took so long to update. I've had exams going on for a while, and they come first so I had to study. I have two more days of them to go, so I'll try and put chapter five up by Tuesday. In the next chapter will at least leave to find the Cullens, not sure if she's gonna meet them yet and you know what that means? Angry Leah and Paul!

_Dear Edward,_

_This will be the last letter I write to you. I gave birth to a baby boy and a baby girl just over two months ago. I named them Carl-Jasper and Elizabeth. Carl-Jasper was a fine healthy weight of 6lb 6oz, but Elizabeth only weighed 3lb 2oz. She's a fighter though, and we bought her home a fortnight ago. _

_Both of them are absolutely adorable, and Jake is as brilliant with them as he is with Emma-Mey and Allie. He's only 19, but he makes a great husband and father. _

_I don't have much time to myself anymore, but I couldn't care less. I love being a mother, and wouldn't give it up for anything. _

_As Always, Love Bella._

It had been three weeks and I still had not been able to trace down a single Cullen or Hale. Numerous internet searches had ended fruitlessly. There wasn't a single trace anywhere. It was like they didn't exist. No Facebook, no MySpace, no blog, not even a newspaper article online about them!

I was getting frustrated with my attempts at tracking them down. I tried getting Grandpa Charlie to track them down, but he had no luck either. The last he had heard, they had moved to Los Angeles. That had been over 20 years ago though, so who knew where they were now. All we had found out from that attempt at finding them was that they definitely were not in Los Angeles.

Grandpa Charlie was not happy that I was trying to track down the people who had (apparently) sent my mom into a comatose state. Even if it was on Mom's list, he didn't want them to get the idea of moving back to Forks. I calmed his fears, reassuring him that Edward Cullen had been 17-18 years old when he had left Forks which would mean he was in his forties now. He more than likely had a wife and kids. Hell, he could even have grandchildren and sons/daughters-in-law. There was no way one man could be selfish enough to uproot his family just to move back to a place he had lived in for a few years as a teenager.

The only Cullen he objected to was Edward. The rest he didn't mind, and he even told me some positive things about Carlisle and Esme. Grandpa Charlie had been reluctant to tell me anything about them at first, but after a while he had begun to rant again.

"Always secretive. They kept to themselves, and that was all good and well. Until Bella came to live with me. Within weeks, I learned more about them than I had in the two years they had lived here before Bella came to live with me. I still know next to nothing about them, so that shows you how much I knew about them before.

Your mom broke up with him after I met him for the first time. Came back from playing baseball with his family and just told me it was over. It would have been so much better if she'd stayed away from him after that. She took off for Phoenix. I had just gotten my baby girl back, and within months he had succeeded in taking her away again.

He broke her and so did the rest of them when they left. God, Lizzie, it was as if they had died. Not one of them bothered to keep in touch with her. They threw her away like she was trash, and if it wasn't for Jake I don't know what would have happened. Your father was amazing. He just made her smile at first. That was all.

It took months for her to become the same girl she was before he left her, but Jake helped her get there. When they got together...damn, Liz, I don't think I've ever seen two people happier to be married. And when you, your brother and your sisters were born... I'd never seen your mom as the maternal type, but it made her happier than I had ever seen her. That jackass may have broken her, but your dad fixed her. "

His rant had turned into the story of how my parents had gotten together by the time he was finished.I understood why he had to try and convince me not to find the family he felt so strongly about. Logically, his mind associated them with causing his family pain. I had to find them though, and it was not as if I would be bringing them back here with me to Forks.

It was frustrating, not being able to find them. I was running out of ideas, and I didn't like to contemplate the fact that maybe I wouldn't find them. Not finishing Mom's list was a terrifying though, one which was quickly pushed to the back of my mind. Completing this list was the first thing I had set out to do since I had ran away three years ago. I would finish it. I had to. The irresponsible troubled girl that had done little more than drive around hustling money on her damn bikes for the past three years was gone now, and in her place was the girl who was finally going to be an adult. Finally I would start being the adult I should have became years ago. I would take on the responsibilities the world threw at me. I would care for my family. Especially Grandpa Billy. As irresponsible as I had acted when I was running, I had still needed to live. My gambling instincts were amazingly good (if I may say so myself) and I had a medium sized fortune saved up from my travels.

The only thing I had ever touched it for was food, gas for my bikes and when I used it to make more.

Taking care of my grandfather would be no problem, and when (if) I left to find the family that had been so close to my mom I was sure one of the guys would check in on him.

I always felt at home in Grandpa Charlie's house. Maybe it was the fact that it had been a second home to me growing up. He was sitting on his sofa right now, watching his precious baseball. I had no interest in it. The only sports I had ever played were soccer and basketball. I had attended kickboxing lessons for a few years, and I still enjoyed watching those matches. I was not the type of person to watch matches on TV. I preferred live matches, though I would rather compete. So watching a sport I didn't even understand the mechanics of wasn't very exciting. It had just started, so Grandpa Charlie wouldn't move anywhere for a while.

"Grandpa? Do you mind if I use your computer? I want to upload something."

All I got in response was a grunt, which I knew was a yes. It was rare to get an actual word out of Grandpa Charlie when the sports were on.

The computer was old. Mom and Dad had gotten it for Grandpa Charlie's 50th birthday. He actually knew how to use it, which was more than I could say for Grandma Renee.

The Cullens/Hales had to use the internet sometime. This is the 21st century after all. I was going to put a request for anyone that knew them to ask them to contact me, I knew there was a slim chance that someone would actually respond, but I had an idea that someone would.

Grandpa Billy' words had been repeating in my head for weeks. I hadn't listened when he had attempted to tell me about vampires, but I believed that the Cullens/Hales were apart of the secret. There was no information to be found anywhere...it was as if someone had cleaned up after them, insuring they could not be found. I didn't know if they were vampires or just a family who knew that they existed, but either way I didn't care. I knew nothing about vampires, and my pride was stopping me from going back and asking Grandpa Billy to tell me about them. I assumed that they were just like normal people, but with a taste for blood.

I dropped hints throughout my post that I knew about vampires, and that they were somehow connected to them. Hopefully they would get in touch, even if just to make sure I would not go about blabbing about them. Well, about what they could possibly be.

Once I was done I went downstairs to say goodbye to Grandpa Charlie. The guys and Leah had agreed to go cliff-diving with me today. It had taken me awhile to ask them to go, but they had agreed the moment I asked.

"Bye Grandpa, love you."

"Uh-huh, you too, Sweetie."

It didn't take long for me to get to La Push on my bike. I had agreed to meet them all at Uncle Sam's house. They were all gathered inside when I arrived, and I was delighted when I noticed Uncle Seth was there. He had been in England for the last six months. I had been informed he had a girlfriend over there. She would be moving over here soon if all went well. It was nice that he had finally found someone to settle down with.

I could see him admiring my bike. There was no way in hell he was getting on it though. He didn't have a good track record with riding other people's bikes.

"Not going to happen, Uncle Seth. My baby is mine and mine alone to ride."

The look of disappointment on his face made him look like a lost puppy. Then again, he was a puppy.

"You want to go diving now? This weather might not last for long."

Uncle Embry looked excited. They had gone cliff-diving before, but I had not. I had never been allowed as a teenager, for fear I would injure myself. Truth be told I was a little nervous. It would be just my luck to break a leg or an arm, or quite possibly both.

The cliff was higher than I had expected. The drop looked huge, and I gulped as it hit me that I would be jumping off it.

"Its okay to be nervous, you know."

"Yeah, I know Uncle Quil. I just really want to - jerk!"

I could feel and hear his laugh as he held on to me. The others were falling behind us at the same time, and it was obvious that they had planned to push me off the cliff.

The wind forced my hair up to fall behind me as I fell towards the water. It would be hell to brush later, but right now I didn't care. My ears felt like they were popping, but they did not hurt. The adrenaline rush I had become accustomed to was once again present and became even stronger as I hit the water.

I wasn't under for very long, but while I was I kept my eyes open. A couple of the others were showing off, and it felt weird to be watching them. They were grown men, but they were acting like immature teenage boys.

It took ages to get back to Uncle Sam's house while soaking wet. Aunt Emily loaned me clothes while she dried mine as I had forgotten to bring spares in the excitement of actually going cliff-diving.

"Lizzie, phone!"

"Coming. Geez, keep your pants on."

Uncle Seth handed me my phone as it continued to ring, and I answered with an almost preppy (and uncharacteristic) "hello?"

"Elizabeth Black? My name is Alice Cullen. I believe I've been trying to contact me and my family."


	5. Chapter 5: Killing the dead

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you told me to move on, and that you don't love me, but I'm still sorry. Jake's a great friend, and over the past few weeks he has become more. I love him. I still love you, but I love him just as much. You were the prologue in my life, and you made up the introductory chapters. Jake's the main plot. _

_I deserve to be happy, Edward. I deserve that much, and I hope that I knew you well enough to know that you wouldn't begrudge me that. And Jake makes me happy. God, does he make me happy. When I'm around him I feel almost complete. _

_There is still a piece of my heart missing, and that piece will always belong to you. But sometimes I can forget that piece of it is missing, at least when I'm around Jake. You know, I'm going to contradict myself. _

_I'm not sorry. You left, and even though I still love you, I'm going to be happy. _

_I wrote a list earlier. It was a list of things I want to do before I die. I will die, Edward. But if I'm going to die then I want to have enjoyed my life with Jake. _

As Always, Love Bella

Lizzie

"Yeah, um, this is Lizzie."

It took me a few moments to reply. I had to process her words first. I was shocked that she had actually rung. The "notice" had been my desperate attempt to find them, but I had never thought it would actually work.

"I was hoping we could arrange to meet?"

Her voice sounded like chimes. It should have relaxed me, but it didn't. Although her voice sounded like chimes, they didn't sound very tuned right now. Maybe she was nervous about talking to me. I had, after all basically threatened to expose them.

"Of course, that would be, um, great. Would you mind if I called you back later? Now's not the best time. I'm a bit busy."

"My number should save straight to your phone, it's not private. Just give me a call tonight. It doesn't matter what time. I'll be up."

I snapped my phone shut after she hung up (without saying goodbye) and turned around to look at the others. Worry was evident on their faces. I didn't blame them. That conversation had seemed so awkward and forced...who knew how much worse it would be in person?

It had seemed like she was trying to pretend to be much more calm and composed than she actually was. It was a scary thought. Why would she be so nervous?

I rang her back that night. It had taken me a while to convince the guys-pack that I would be fine going home on my own. They worried about my safety constantly. Growing up I had been pretty sheltered, as one look at them had scared off most potential boyfriends. It had been annoying, and it still was, but it was nice to see how much they cared.

The phone didn't ring for long before she picked it up.

"Lizzie."

"Hey, yeah, it's me. I was wondering when would be a good time to meet up and talk? It would be really helpful if it could be soon."

I bit my lip while I waited for her reply. It was a habit I had inherited from my mom. Alice had said earlier that she hoped we could meet up, and I just hoped she wouldn't change her mind. And what if she was the only one in her family that agreed to meet with me? I needed to complete all of them to complete the list.

"How would next week do you? The only thing that could be problematic though I don't see it being is that you would have to drive up here. Carlisle has work, we have school."

I wasn't sure whether or not she was being sarcastic or not when she mutter about her not seeing it being a problem. If I drove up there and the whole family turned out to be snobbish pricks I would explode. I breathed in a deep breath as I realized what she was hinting at. My guess had been right - something was off about them. They were still in school, whereas other people their age were married and had kids who had already graduated from school. Most myths about vampires made them immortal and the legends were no different. I was taking the legends to be true. They told tales of the wolves, and those were true. I assumed that what they said about vampires or the "cold ones" was trues as well.

"Yeah, I..I think I can drive up there. Where are you living right now?"

"We're in Denali right now, but we will be returning home to Chicago tomorrow. If you drive up to the city we can have one of us meet you there and then you can follow them to the house."

It sounded like an okay plan. When I told her that she seemed to grow excited.

"Awesome! All of us are excited to meet Bella's daughter."

I didn't tell you I was Bella's daughter. How do you know that?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone. It was a minute or two before she spoke again, but while she was silent I could hear a deeper voice murmuring words (I couldn't make them out) to her.

"Well, we kind of looked you up. It isn't anything personal, we just had to see if you were someone who would reveal our secret just to be spiteful. Your dad didn't exactly get on with us when he was younger."

Her explanation was palpable, and I was satisfied about how we would meet. We could clear up exact details later. There was only one more question I had to ask her before ending our conversation.

"All of your family will be there, right? I need to speak to each one of you. My mom asked me to tell some of you something she wanted you to know, and to give one of you something. Our meeting up will be pointless if even one of you is missing."

Again there was a hesitant silence on the other side of the phone. Was their a problem with me meeting all of them?

"I'll make sure all of us are there. We might not all be there at once, but I promise you we will be there."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and thanked her before we said goodbye. I was on my way to crossing a lot of things off my mom's list. Hopefully I would finish it soon. The Cullens/Hales were related in some way to most of the things left to do on the list. The only other things were slapping Uncle Paul and talking baby-talk to Aunt Leah.

Fortunately, I had exactly a week to suck up to them before I had to make both of them extremely angry. They would not have to do anything for themselves if I had my way. Both of them were always complaining that everyone expected them to do everything, and I knew that the best way to suck up to them was to help them with everything and give them loads of food. Aunt Emily usually supplied the latter, but giving them extra never hurt.

I wasn't looking forward to slapping Uncle Paul or pissing Aunt Leah off by talking baby-talk to her. They were family and I loved them. Besides, I knew hoe guilty they would feel if they killed me in their anger.

I was hoping that I would be able to integrate the slap into a moment when Uncle Paul was irritating everyone. The only thing I plan to do in preparation is make sure that there is a door open nearby.

The chance to cross that particular item off Mom's list arrived at my feet four days before I was due to drive to Chicago. I was helping Aunt Emily to cook food for the pigs that disguised themselves as wolves. They were goofing around (again, weird) and Uncle Paul decided that it was okay to rib me about my upcoming trip. The members of our family who did not know about the supernatural stuff were absent. I was only at the...well, I wasn't sure what to call it, because I knew about the legends being real. The only reason this (whatever it was) still occurred was so that they could reminisce on the good old days.

"You gonna join their little coven, Lizzie? Maybe you'll even develop a taste for blood. "

He stood up triumphantly when I flipped him the bird, secure in the knowledge that he was annoying me. In true Uncle Paul fashion, he ignored Uncle Sam's warnings to shut up and sit down. Instead he came and stood beside me, smirking in that cocky way of his. I knew more taunts would be directed towards me soon, and I wasn't disappointed. They weren't very original, but they did the job and annoyed me. The only thing I vaguely liked about them was that they confirmed what I had been close to confirming for myself, and they gave me the opportunity to slap him.

I inched around him until I was standing in the doorway, and like I knew he would, Uncle Paul followed me. His comment about my heart growing cold allowed me the chance to slap him.

The sound of my palm hitting his cheek shocked the room as everyone stopped what they were doing. The guys stopped telling Paul to shut up, Aunt Leah stopped complaining and Aunt Emily stopped cooking. Nobody was speaking, and I know it sounds cliche, but the room was silent.

Uncle Paul started to shake, and all of the pack stood as I began to back off. My early exit had been planned, but even I had not anticipated the fear I felt creeping through my body. I had seen Uncle Paul lose his temper in the past. Regularly, in fact, but it had never been directed towards me before. Somehow I had overlooked that fact. Well, I hadn't really overlooked it. I had just understated it while thinking about Uncle Paul's possible reactions.

"Paul! Calm down. Damn it, Lizzie! You would have to go and do that. I swear it's in your blood. Concentrate, Paul! Think of what will happen if you phase. Your wife, kids...do you want your kids to notice that you haven't been aging?"

Uncle Sam's words seemed to help Uncle Paul stop shaking, and I was thankful that he was there. He made Aunt Emily and I leave for a while. Everyone else had been a part of the pack in the past. I have no idea how they got Uncle Paul to actually apologize. I joked with Aunt Emily that he had eaten some magic mushrooms.

He had been shocked when I had apologized too. His reaction to the news that slapping him was on Mom's list cause the others to laugh their asses off at him.

"What-I-no-Bella? On her list! That's- I should have guessed. Like mother, like fucking daughter."

Then he had thrown himself back in his chair, earning himself a slap across the back of the head from Aunt Emily.

Uncle Paul had watched me carefully until I left, probably thinking about all the times he had annoyed or angered my mom and all the things she had threatened or said she would do to him. His fears were unfounded - Mom had only mentioned him once on her list, but I didn't tell him that.

After my experience with Uncle Paul, I put off having one with Aunt Leah. Finally, just one day before I was due to leave for Chicago, I crossed it off Mom's list.

"Wuntie Lee! Me go Chigo tomawwwo! Me go on bike."

She turned to face me slowly as I talked, glared at me and then tune back to face the television. Huh, Aunt Leah was playing nice. That was a first. Uncle Seth was sitting beside her, and I could see him grinning already. I had told him about my plans, and that it was on Mom's list. He had requested that I allow him to be there when I committed suicide. Then as he had not been around me for long after my mom's death he had stammered out apologies and about how stupid and insensitive he was. I had not been insulted or very upset. Of course I was still upset about why my mom had committed suicide, and my part in it. However, I liked to think of the fact that she was free now, and my dad and siblings.

"But Wuntie Lee! Me happy. You not happy, Wuntie Lee? We dansh, dansh make you happy."

I stood, and tried to force Aunt Leah off the couch, and Uncle Seth changed the television to the music channel. Pixie Lott's "Turn it up" started playing. It was an old song, but I had always liked old music.

"Dansh! Dansh, Wuntie Lee."

The glare I received for my words and the actions that accompanied them was strong enough to make even Uncle Paul think twice. Aunt Leah then stormed out the door, and I followed her.

"Wuntie Lee! Wait, Wuntie Lee."

I followed her around for the next few hours, until she realized what I was doing. Then she looked up at the clear blue sky (for once) and yelled that when she got up there Mom was going to be double dead.

She was pissed at me, but she still turned up to say goodbye to me before I left for Chicago. I had said my goodbyes to Grandpa Billy and Grandpa Charlie last night. Grandpa Billy would be staying with Uncle Sam and Aunt Emily while I would be gone. I intended to return in two weeks. Alice Cullen and I had talked some more on the phone, so I knew roughly where to meet her brother. For some reason she had warned me not to mention my mom to him. Even thinking back over her request I rolled my eyes. My mom was the whole reason for my visit, and if her ex-boyfriend couldn't handle hearing her name, how would he react to my talking about her, and giving him her letters to him?

It just seemed a bit pathetic to me. I had never been in love, but I could never see myself being stuck on a guy I had broken up with for the rest of my life.

My love life had been pretty limited - I had only ever had one boyfriend, and had only kissed two boys. My extended family, Carl and my dad had scared off most guys and even with my only boyfriend (Jack Walker) I had never gone past third base. I had never dated when I was running. It wasn't exactly the lifestyle that permitted it. I had tried the one night stand thing once, but had stopped it before we had both even been undressed. It hadn't felt right, and I had felt like I was betraying someone. Who I felt I was betraying was a mystery.

I mentally shook my head clear as I took off on my bike. There would be time to ponder Alice Cullen's weird requests later, right now I had to concentrate on getting to Chicago as soon as possible. The sooner I got to talk to the family that had affected my mom so much the better.

A few hours later I was in Chicago. Grandpa Charlie would not have been pleased had he known how many speed limits I had broken and red lights I had gone through. I rang Alice to tell her I had arrived, and she assured me that if I drove straight on for a few minutes I would find her brother. I did as she suggested, and I soon saw the man I knew to be Edward Cullen leaning against a black (expensive) car. He didn't look happy to be there, and his expression combined with his body language and clothes gave him a gloomy and mysterious air, which intrigued me. It caught my attention more than his obvious beauty. At that moment he looked up and caught my eye. I saw a look of shock and...hurt? cross his face for a second before he spoke.

"Follow the car, I'll lead you to the house."

Boy, I could just hear the enthusiasm ringing in his words. Me? Sarcastic? Never.


	6. Chapter 6: Confused Identities

_Dear Edward, _

_I had twin girls three and a half weeks ago. I named them Emma-Mey and Allie. Emma-Mey is for Emmett and Esme, and I'm pretty sure that it's clear that Allie is named for Alice and Rose. Jake had no objections to their names. He knows I love him, but you and the others were such a large influence in my life. _

_Emma-Mey weighed 4lb 9oz and Allie weighed 5lb 10oz._

_Jake is completely enamored with them, and so am I. They are identical, and both of them are beautiful. _

_As Always, Love Bella._

Lizzie

Edward Cullen was a fast driver. He led me to his family home quickly, ignoring any and all speed limits. It seemed to me like he was trying to lose me. I could understand that. I was the daughter of his ex-girlfriend and the man who had replaced him. It was childish and more than a little bit immature, but he probably didn't want me in his home.

I had no problem keeping up with him though. He wasn't the only one who enjoyed the rush that speeding had the ability to give. When he screeched around corners I easily lent my bike to allow me to turn them as fast as him. I was surprised we had not been stopped by the cops. It would not be the first time I had been done for speeding. It was late though, so they were probably not as uptight about the laws of the road.

Edward's leading back to the house quickly became an unspoken challenge of who had better control over their vehicle. We were both in control when the jerk suddenly slammed on. It was the middle of the night, there could not be that many reasons for him to slam on with no warning. I had to skid my bike to a stop, and I was ready to blow up at him. What if I had gone into the back of him?

I calmed when I saw the cop walking around the corner. Edward had stopped so we would not get caught. But how had he known the cop was there? There was no way he could have been able to see around the corner from inside his car - it was too far back for that to be possible. I would ask him about it when we arrived at their, right after I told them that I knew they sucked blood in their spare time.

Edward took off again (slower than before) after allowing the cop to cross the road. He got a wave of thanks, while the cop gave me a suspicious look. I was used to getting the looks by now, but it was still annoying. So I was riding a motorbike, so what? It didn't mean I was a rebellious troublemaker or anything. It just meant that I knew how to ride a motorbike, and that it was my vehicle of choice to drive.

The moment we were out of the cop's sight Edward sped up again. I grinned as I sped up with him, and revved the bike to show him that it was on. I kept a careful eye on his front tyres, as I did not want to have to brake in a hurry anytime soon again.

The Cullens/Hales appeared to be living on the outskirts of the city. It wasn't as urban as other places, but it wasn't exactly as rural as others either. They were also wealthy, if the size and appearance of the area was anything to go by.

I was lost in my thoughts when Edward suddenly turned up into a long driveway. It was windy and long, and because of Edward's sudden turn I almost missed the turn off. I had to swerve the bike to the right suddenly to even attempt to make it.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I made it, and sucked in a breath to replace it when I hit the curve that lined the driveway. I went flying over the bars, and I felt my ankle pop out of place when it smashed off of them.

Shrubbery tore at my skin as I was forced through it by my flying off my bike. I could feel cuts on my body, and knew that my leather was going to be completely ruined. My right wrist felt broken, my ankle was throbbing and I knew I would be covered in bruises by the morning.

This was such a great start to my visit.

I heard the shrubbery being pushed apart, and someone walked through it, towards where I had landed. Edward's face came into view, partially obscured by the bush. He had a smirk on his face, which soon disappeared when he realized I was actually hurt, and not just hiding in mortification.

He helped me to my feet, and picked me up in his arms like a baby, despite my protests. I blushed as he carried me out onto the small piece of grass between the bush and the driveway. I could see that it was the smallest piece of grass separating my luck to hit the curve at this particular section. If I had hit it anywhere else I wouldn't have hit shrubbery, I would have just landed on the grass.

My body felt like it was being shocked alive by Edward's hands and I felt warm all over. My breath caught, and I stiffened. Our eyes caught and I saw his soften for some reason. A look of longing appeared in them.

"Bella."

I jerked in response to him calling me by my mom's name and almost fell out of Edward's arms. He caught me just in time, and mumbled something about me definitely being Bella's daughter.

"You're moving very fast, aren't you Edward? She hasn't even gotten through the door yet."

A booming laugh accompanied the words, and I noticed that while it sounded genuinely amused it also sounded the smallest bit forced. I looked behind me and saw a huge grinning man that I assumed had spoken. Emmett, if the photographs in Mom's scrapbook were anything to go by. There was also a small almost pixie-like girl that I knew to be Alice, a beautiful blonde I knew to be Rosalie and a blonde guy who looked uptight and serious - Jasper.

If I had thought they were beautiful in the photographs, it was nothing to how they were in person. When I had first seen Edward I had noticed his unhappiness before his beauty. With these members of the Cullen/Hale I was struck by their beauty. It was only after I had studied the striking image they made together for a few moments that I noticed the underlying layer of sadness beneath the facades each of them held. Emmett and Alice had happy expressions on their faces, and Jasper and Rosalie's faces held no emotions at all. It was their body language that gave them away. The way Emmett's smile was just that little bit too wide, and Alice's eyes were worried. The way Jasper and Rosalie's face seemed to be just too empty for them to not intentionally be that way. All of their eyes were darker than they had looked in the photographs, and I wasn't sure if that was because

This family was damaged.

Edward stood with me in his arms, but I was still able to see the distance between him and his siblings. He was holding himself in a way that indicated to me that he wasn't comfortable around them. He reminded me of myself when I had first arrived back after my mom's suicide. Awkward and unsure of how they felt about me.

"Edward, calm down. We have to bring Lizzie to the house so that Carlisle can fix her up. She has a dislocated ankle and a broken wrist. Alice saw it."

I looked up at the man holding me, and was shocked to see him staring at me with unconcealed horror.

"What do you mean, after Bella's suicide?"


	7. Chapter 7: Black's daughter

_Dear Edward,_

_Allie said her first word yesterday. Emma-Mey hasn't said hers yet, but I'm sure she will soon. "Dada" was Allie's first word. Jake was delighted._

_The both of them are doing so well. They're very good for such young children. They don't cry unless they're hungry or need to be changed. I've even had time to start my novel. It'll be awhile before it's finished, but I'm on my way to crossing another thing off my list._

_As Always, Love Bella._

Lizzie

I felt Edward's hands tighten around me, and I gasped as I realized just how strong he really was. It only took a few seconds before his grip began to actually physically hurt me.

"Hurting me."

The words had only just left my mouth when I felt myself being pulled out of Edward's arms faster than I had ever thought possible. I felt air rushing past for me for several seconds, and I closed my eyes so I would not throw up from the momentum.

"What happened?"

I opened my eyes to discover that air was no longer rushing past me. Rosalie's emotionless face stared above and past my head, and I followed her gaze to see yet another gorgeous blonde I knew to be Carlisle Cullen looking at me worriedly.

"Edward found out about...about what happened to Bella."

I saw a flash of emotion flicker onto Rosalie's face for a second or two before it became emotionless once again. Yeah, this family was definitely damaged. I mean, if what Grandpa Charlie had told me was correct then Carlisle was her father. Why would she hide her emotions from him? Family was supposed to support each other, not just pretend everything was alright.

I knew from experience that pretending that things were okay did nothing to make them that way. And ignoring things? Ignoring things helped even less.

"Lay her on the couch, Rose. Do you mind if I examine you, Lizzie? My other daughter Alice has already told me that you have a broken wrist, but I'm afraid I didn't catch the other injuries before she left to assist Edward. I assure you I am a qualified and practicing doctor. "

The smile he gave me in an attempt to reassure me triggered my speech filter to go faulty.

"You sure you won't decide to drain me for a midnight snack? Only, I'm rather fond of living."

I closed my eyes in mortification for several seconds, and blushed again. Sometimes I cursed the Black blood in me - at times like this, when it decided to take over and make me say something stupid. It would serve me right if they did decide to have for me for a little midnight snack.

"Well, Lizzie, you are most definitely Jacob Black's daughter. "

I was relieved to hear an underlying tone of unconcealed amusement in his voice. Maybe I would not become a midnight snack after all. If my filter stayed around maybe I could even survive to become lunch tomorrow.

"My family and I do not drink human blood. We feed off of animals, and I promise you I will not change my mind and decide to make you my midnight snack. Rose, be careful of her wrist when you lie her down."

From Rosalie's expression I could tell that my filter slip was not as okay with her as it was with Carlisle. She did not put me down quite as gently as she could have, and I winced as my wrist and ankle were jolted. They really did hurt.

"Her injuries are causing her quite a bit of pain, Carlisle. If she's anything like Bella she won't tell you that."

Jasper was the only one to speak, but Alice, Emmett and Edward were standing by the door too. I had not heard them come in, and that surprised me. I was always aware of my surroundings, some my mom had always said I had obviously inherited from my dad.

How the hell would he know how much pain my injuries were causing me?

"You're definitely Black's daughter. You've judged us before you know us. What gives you the right to even think about telling Jasper to go to hell?"

Edward sent me a glare along with his words. He looked pissed, and even though I knew that he was in a hurt and angry mood from what he had just found out about my mom I retaliated in an even more scathing tone.

"I was not thinking about telling Jasper to go to hell! For your information, I was thinking...wait, rewind. You said, and I quote 'what gives you the right to even think about telling Jasper to go to hell?' "

I narrowed my eyes at the now guiltier looking Edward, and continued to pierce things together in my head. Edward had known that the cop was coming before he should have been able to, he had gotten to me faster than he should have unless he had known the instant I had hit the curve. He had realized my mom had jumped off a cliff the moment I had thought it, but not said it aloud.

"How the fuck do you know what I'm thinking? Or well, how the fuck do you think that you know what I'm thinking? Because whatever you're doing is getting things scrambled up."

I paused for breath, still glaring at the hypocrite who dared accuse me of being judgmental, and prepared to return to defending myself. This was the guy who automatically assumed that I was a carbon copy of my parents - he had so obviously judged me before he had ever met me. Unfortunately I'm the type of girl who needs my hands to talk, and my forgot that one of my wrists was broken and unattended to.

"Owww!"

Carlisle was quickly at my side, and it was obvious that he was anxious to calm both me and Edward down.

"Why don't you let me fix you up, and then we can explain all about Edward's ability."

He smiled that smile again, and this time I forced myself to let it work. After all, I knew he wasn't lying about being a qualified and practicing doctor. Grandpa Charlie had told me that much about him at least. He had also told me that he was one of the best, so I lay back and didn't complain when he examined my injuries.

By the time Carlisle was done fixing me up I was impressed. He had set my wrist, and put it in a cast quickly and efficiently, cleaned my cuts without once wincing or sneaking in a quick suck. I would mention that to the pack when they called to check up on me, as they had promised. It would make for good entertainment. All that was left was for him to do now was to pop my dislocated ankle back into place. I had dislocated bones before - it wasn't possible to learn how to drive a bike without a few crashes - and I knew exactly how much popping it back in was going to hurt.

Alice silently handed me a rolled up face cloth with a sad anticipating smile. I placed it between my teeth. It made me feel like a muzzled dog, but it was better than biting my tongue. I had been told that I could be a bit melodramatic when it came to pain. To me my reactions always seem fully warranted. So what if I had a slightly lower pain tolerance than other people?

"Ready? On the count of three. One, two!"

Not expecting the pain on two, I tried to jump up, but Carlisle gently forced me back down. I glared at him, but stopped when I noticed the apologetic look on his face. He reminded me of Uncle Brady. It wasn't possible to stay angry at him.

"I apologize, Lizzie, but it was necessary. It would have hurt even more if you were expecting it."

I had to agree with him - he was right. There was no need for me to admit that aloud, though. And no, my not admitting out loud does not mean I can't admit it when I'm wrong.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I think you said something about explaining Edward's ability?"

"Yes, there's no mistaking whose child you are."

Carlisle smiled warmly at me, and gestured for his children to sit while we spoke.

"Edward can-"

He was interrupted by the very person he was speaking of, and I raised my eyebrows as Edward spoke.

"We'll tell you about my ability, and you tell us about what happened to Bella. You...you tell us about what she did, and why she did it."

I looked at him closely. Grief was displayed in his face for anyone and everyone to see. He was obviously still in love with my mom. So why had he broke up with her?

"Okay."

I jumped when I heard a door close, and cursed when my body made it's complaint known.

"Shit..."

"Oh my Lord. I'm sorry. I had hoped to be back before you arrived."

A beautiful motherly looking woman spoke to me as she carried grocery bags into the kitchen. Esme.

"What on earth happened to you? Bandages already, oh, you are definitely Bella's daughter."

_(More about Edward being able to read Lizzie's mind in the next chapter)_


	8. Chapter 8: Breakdown

_**a/n: I said in a past chapter that it took Lizzie a few hours to reach Chicago. I should have said a few days, as Chicago is 2,000 miles away. I'm going to go back and change that. Thanks to the reviewer who highlighted that! **_

_Dear Edward,_

_Charlie tried to send me to Florida to live with Renee. He thinks that if I move out of Forks that I'll just forget about you and move on. He doesn't understand that it isn't just a teenage crush. _

_I freaked out when he told me that he wanted me to move. Renee flew in without telling me. I threw my clothes out of the suitcase when they tried to pack for me. _

_I'm staying here. Forks is one of the few things left that connects me to you._

_As Always, Love Bella_

Lizzie

After Carlisle had explained why and how I was injured already to Esme, he finally explained about Edward's "ability". I tried to absorb everything as he told me, but I'm sure I missed something or other. He also explained about Jasper and Alice's abilities.

I mentally cringed as I thought of living with an empath, a mind reader and a clairvoyant for the next two weeks. There was no way I was going to have any privacy.

Still, I didn't understand why Edward was getting my thoughts all scrambled up. He could read everyone else's as clear as day - why couldn't he read me? Was I a freak of nature or something?

"Why can't you read my thoughts properly? You said that you can read everyone else's constantly - why not mine?"

Edward looked towards Carlisle. I presumed for permission to speak, but I was proved wrong when Carlisle spoke instead.

"I have a theory about that."

I looked at him and indicated to him that I wanted him to continue. He did so with an expression of concentration.

"Edward could never read your mother's mind. It was a complete mystery as to why, but after a while I began to think that maybe she had an ability. We didn't consider it at first when we were living in Forks, simply because she was human. It's extremely rare for a human to have an ability quite as strong as Bella's ability was.

I will have to check with my friend Eleazer in Denali, but I think she was what is called a shield. If I'm right, then she was a mental shield. Mental shields can protect their own minds from invasion. Edward couldn't read her, simply because his ability is a mental one. Alice and Jasper's worked because they are physical. Alice's visions depend on whether or not you will physically be there.

Jasper can feel your emotions because he doesn't make you pretend that you can feel the emotions - he actually makes you feel them and Alice can see you. However Alice has not yet had a vision of you more than ten minutes in advance of the event happening. They have always been fleeting, and you have always appeared blurred to her in it.

It is in my belief that you have inherited a small part of your mother's shield. You know that when a newborn baby is first born that they inherit a bit of the immunizations that their mother has, yes? Well, I think that your mother may have passed on some of her talent as well. It may have been passed onto your brother and sisters too, but there is no way we can be sure..."

He looked at me sympathetically before continuing on with his explanation.

"The shield could probably protect you from mental attacks. Take Jane - she's a member of the Volturi, which is slightly like vampire rulers. She can cause you to feel an immense amount of pain, but it's all in the mind. I don't think it would have affected Bella.

How she would effect you I do not know. I do not think you will ever have a shield as strong as Bella's shield. Kate, another friend of ours in Denali has the ability to pass electric currents and she's working on passing it to other people. If you stay a little longer then planned then I'm sure she could come down and explain it more. She could probably help you control it.

I think that your shield is one that fades and flickers. Would that adequately describe it, Edward?"

"Yes."

I raised my eyebrows at Edward's one worded answer. Maybe it was time for me to check his mind reading thing. I'm sure he'll thank me after my experiment is complete.

Temperamental jackass who put a cow's life to waste! Ruining my good leather.

Edward's head snapped up at my thoughts and I allowed a sarcastic smirk to appear on my face. I saw Carlisle cast a frown in his son's direction, and my sarcastic smirk turned into a cheeky grin.

"Isn't it a bit early to have a full blown theory and solution?"

Carlisle smiled and shook his head in response.

"I was actually working on this for a few months before...before we left. Bella had no idea I was working on a theory focused on the possibility of her having an ability. It was simple to adjust it to fit your different abilities."

Carlisle smiled at me for several seconds before it once again turned back into a frown because of Edward.

"We've explained all about my ability, even gone as far as to explain how it affects you. Now you tell us exactly what happened to Bella."

So I did. I told them about the drunk driver hitting my dad's car, and about how though Allie, Emma-Mey and Carl had been killed instantly, Dad had survived for three days on life support. That was as far as I got before I started crying. Damn it, I had thought I was finished crying. Esme was sitting beside me on the sofa, and she placed an arm around me.

I automatically stiffened, and she moved away. It wasn't that I didn't want her touching me. Her skin was so cold that it was a shock to the system. Afraid I had offended her, or hurt her feelings, I opened my mouth to apologize.

I allowed it to close again when she gave me an understanding smile. Tears were still dripping down my cheeks, I took a few seconds to calm myself before continuing. It still took longer than I thought it would to tell them of how the light had disappeared from my mom's eyes after she had given the doctors permission to pull the plug. I could see them getting upset as well as I told them, but it wasn't until I told them that I had left that one of them reacted beyond that.

Edward's eyes were blazing with sorrow and anger. He stood directly in front of me, and I wasn't sure how he had moved half-way across the room in less than a second. The only thing keeping him off of me was Jasper and Emmett.

Both of them had a hand on one of his shoulders, and looked ready to pull him back if he got any closer.

"You left her? How could you have just run away? She had just lost her husband and three of her children and you left her too? Have you any idea how alone she must have felt?"

I broke down as Edward growled his accusations at me. Uncle Sam had already told me most of what he was saying, but for some reason it hurt even more coming from Edward. I felt a set of cold arms wrap themselves around me, and uncaring of whom they belonged to, I buried my face into the crook of their neck.


	9. Chapter 9: Reactions

**A/N: This is the longest chapter yet, at 3704 words. Took forever to type, lol. Feedback gratefully aaccepted. :)**

_Dear Edward, _

_Why did you leave? I've never felt so alone before, and my chest won't stop hurting. It feels like my heart has been torn out of my chest, and you took it with you. _

_Jake keeps coming over to try to "get me to be myself again", but it isn't really working. He's a great friend, but I don't see how I can attempt to go back to normal without you. _

_My whole world revolved around you, Edward and now that you're gone I have no idea what to do. Did I do something wrong? Why was I not good enough for you, Edward?_

_As Always, Love Bella_

Alice

I wrapped my arms around Lizzie and glared at Edward. He was being such a hypocrite! He had left Bella in much the same way that Lizzie had. The only difference was that Lizzie had been young and in pain whereas Edward had been just acting stupid and pessimistic. He had left her for reasons that were not really reasons. Lizzie had left because she had been unable to handle the pain that her father and siblings' deaths had caused her.

Maybe she shouldn't have left her mother so soon after her father and siblings' deaths, but I could understand why she had left. From what she had told us I gathered that she had only been 17 when the drunk driver had destroyed their lives - 18 when she had left La Push. Edward was over 100 years old. He had been over egoistic then, and still was now. My brother really need to stop being a selfish jerk and star considering other people and their decisions and feelings. Edward had always treated Bella like she was incapable of making her own decisions. Bella had been my best friend, and I had easily seen how much being treated like a little child had annoyed and frustrated her.

My jackass of a brother had hurt a lot of people because of his decision to uproot us all. Lizzie had too - she had even admitted it to herself. However, Edward had left the girl he had believed to be the love of his life without even consulting her. Bella had been a part of their relationship too, but Edward hadn't even considered allowing her to have a part in ending it. Bella had been younger than him, yes, but that didn't mean that she had been completely inexperienced at making decisions.

I saw Edward flinch as he registered my thoughts. He walked towards the front door, and no one moved to stop him. I ignored him as I attempted to calm Lizzie down.

He had already promised us that he wouldn't leave soon. Esme had dragged six weeks out of him. Our mother's speciality - guilt tripping. I didn't have to worry about him leaving and not coming back like the last time.

"Lizzie, let us bring you upstairs and you can clean yourself up in peace."

I heard and saw Esme's suggestion just seconds before I heard it aloud. I had Lizzie on her feet the instant she started to say it. She was probably right. Lizzie had tear tracks on her face, and I knew that once they dried they would become a cause of discomfort for her.

Rose followed us upstairs, and I saw Lizzie flash her a grateful smile when she organized the pillows on mine and Jasper's bed so that she could sit up while laying against them slightly. It was weird (yes, I know I'm one to talk), but it didn't feel awkward at all. This was Bella's daughter - it felt like second nature to comfort her, even though none of us had ever met her before.

I wrapped my arms around Lizzie again. She was still crying, just not as hard as before. Rose and Esme were silent as I attempted to calm her. Esme stroked her hair, and Rose simply placed a hand over hers.

"Ignore Edward. He's just processing Bella's death. This is exactly why none of us told him. He only arrived yesterday, so hiding our thoughts was not that hard."

It was true. Edward had not lived with us in over 20 years. When we had left Forks we had all gone our separate ways for a while. Emmett and Rosalie had gone to Denmark for a few years. Esme and Carlisle had moved to Canada, and Jasper and I had simply travelled. It had been ten years before all of us excluding Edward had been living together again.

My jerk of a brother had basically lived as a nomad since he had foolishly left Bella. We had been lucky to get a phone call every few months to let us know he was alive. Esme had been a bundle of nerves for the majority of the months between his calls.

He had always called Esme and Carlisle, never any of the rest of us. We had been forced to rely on our parents notifying us that he was still in existence _for ten years._ The four of us had gone _ten fucking years_ without any contact from the second eldest member of our family.

After Jasper, Rose, Emmett and I had moved back in with Esme and Carlisle we had forced Edward to call more often. His disappearing with little to no contact act had been destroying our parents. He had left Carlisle before, but had returned after ten years.

He had never once thought to tell us where he was, or what he had been doing. We had not even known if he had been sticking to our diet of animal blood. The first time Edward had left Carlisle he had decided to fed off human blood. He had only hunted the scum of the earth - rapists, murders, abusers and the like, but he had still hunted humans.

Esme had feared for the moral safety of the boy who was essentially her first son, and so had Carlisle. None of us had ever entertained the thought of shunning if he had reverted to a diet of human blood. Edward was family, and family took care of one another.

Carlisle had followed his movements throughout the years by his spending habits. The only thing his card had ever been used for was clothes. What had terrified us the most was the fear that he would go to the Volturi to ask for death like he had told Bella he would if anything ever happened to her.

I gasped as I realized the implications of that statement. Bella was dead now, and my brother knew she was. Edward had always said that he would not outlive her by long - what if he went to Italy? Aro would not kill him if he asked, as Edward was too valuable in his eyes.

However, asking was not the only way he could get them to end him. If Edward made a scene then the Volturi's laws would demand his death. Things were tense, awkward and undecided between Edward and the rest of the family, but his death still had the potential to destroy the rest of us.

I murmured more nonsense words of comfort to Lizzie before telling her that I would be right back. Jasper was waiting outside our bedroom door. He had obviously felt my reaction to my realization from downstairs and rushed up.

"You and Emmett have to go after Edward and bring him back here."

Jasper looked at me with an expression of confusion. He was probably wondering if I had had a vision. I had not yet, another thing that worried me.

"Edward always said - "

I stopped speaking as Jasper disappeared. In his place I saw Edward. He was boarding a plane destined for Italy. It was light but overcast, so I knew we still had a few hours to stop him.

"Jasper, you have to get him right now. Don't let him leave once you bring him back. He has decided to go to Italy as he always promised."

My husband left without another word, and I breathed an unneeded sigh of relief when I saw Edward sitting downstairs in just a matter of minutes.

Quickly and quietly I returned to my place on the bed. Lizzie was still sobbing every few seconds, but she had it under control more than when I had left.

"Alice is right, Dear. Edward has not been the same since he left your mother. He's just hurting right now, and is looking for someone to lash out at.

Don't get me wrong, Sweetie, he still should not have said what he did. I have never heard him utter such hypocritical words before. He left Bella in much the same way you did, except he had no excuse except for his melancholy personality."

All four of us let out chuckles at Esme's words. She was right, as was the norm for her.

"Now, why don't you dry those tears and explain to us what you wanted to tell us?"

The motherly smile Esme directed towards Lizzie seemed to finally stop the unpredictable sobs she had been allowing to escape. She did as Esme suggested, and dried her tears. Rose got her some tissues, but still stayed quiet. I gave her a look, which she answered with a was not like my sister to be shy, or quiet. I almost felt like stomping my foot when I saw that my questioning of her would yield no results. Rose was not going to budge.

Ugh.

"She, Mom made this list. Um, it's kind of like a bucket list. I have it with me. I didn't send it up with the rest of my stuff just in case something happened to it. I'm finishing it for her, since she never got to."

She ran a hand through her hair (which I noticed was quite long), sniffled and then spoke again.

"It's on the back of my bike."

Lizzie gasped and her eyes widened in horror as she remembered what had happened to her bike. Knowing what she was about to ask I quickly told her that Emmett had carried the bike to our garage after calming Edward.

"Phew, I have a lot of my mom's things on the back. Would you mind if I went and got them?"

"I can get them a lot faster than you if you tell what they are."

Rose finally spoke, and she quickly followed her words with a roll of her eyes when Lizzie took longer than three seconds to respond. She was my sister, and I loved, but I would be one of the first to admit that Rose had no patience when it came to people outside of our family.

"Um, okay, if you're sure. Everything is in a plastic folder. It should be near the top."

Rose did not verbalize a response, choosing to give a simple nod instead before walking down to the garage. For some reasons he walked at a human pace.

I froze again as another visions rolled over me. Dammit. Jasper and Emmett would not be able to drag Edward back for another half an hour, and when they did he was going to make sure we knew that he was not happy about it.

"Alice?"

Lizzie was calling my name, and I did not need to ask why. No doubt she had noticed my zoning out. Rose was back, and examining her nails just to show the rest of us how boring she found what was happening. She put up a good act, but Lizzie was the only one she was fooling. Esme and I knew her too well to fall for that facade.

"What's in the folder? Your mom's list?"

Lizzie opened the folder at my question, and pulled out a piece of paper that was visibly aged.

"She mentioned a few of you a few times on it. I mean, not all of you are directly mentioned, but she wanted to track you guys down."

She paused for a second before looking at me nervously.

"You can...you can read it if you like."

Lizzie still looked nervous as she directed her words towards me. I extended a hand towards her to read the list.

"Be careful with it, okay?"

I nodded with a reassuring smile. It was completely logical for her to be worried about me damaging something that had been important to Bella.

I smiled again as I read the list, even though I felt a pang of sadness that Bella had ever had a need to create one. A lot of the things on it had "X"'s next to them. It was simple to identify which "X"'s Bella had written, and which Lizzie had.

The ink Bella had used was faded, as it had obviously been a long time since Bella had written it. Lizzie's "X"'s were also a lot neater than Bella's chicken scratch ones.

_1. Track down Edward Cullen and tell him I'm okay. _

It was just like Bella to make sure the asshole that had left her without asking what she wanted was okay. She had never seemed to be able to direct her anger towards the people that had deserved it, having been more likely to blame herself.

_2. Write a novel on mythical creatures. X_

Maybe I should have been worried that Bella had written on (I assumed) vampires and shapeshifters but I was not. I had trusted her when we had lived in Forks - I had to trust now that she would never have revealed all of our secrets.

_3. Get Alice Cullen's real email address. _

I was confused by number three, but decided I would help Lizzie to cross it off. I asked Esme to pass me a piece of paper and a pen. She passed them to me without asking me why. Esme gave me an A4 sheet, but I only used up one line. I only had one thing to write

on it.

I handed it to Lizzie and just smiled at her "thanks". Then I turned back to Bella's list and laughed at number four.

_4. Watch Marley and Me and not cry. X_

Trust Bella to put something so trivial on her list of things to do before dying. Most people put life changing things, and Bella put things like _"Watch Marley and Me and not cry". _It was just so typical of her.

_5. Tell Jake how my feelings have changed. X_

Well, Lizzie was living proof that she had done that. Maybe it was inappropriate seeing as I had not had any contact with Bella in over 20 years, but I felt a sense of pride that _my best friend_ had found the courage to tell Jacob Black that she loved him. Bella had always had such low confidence that her feelings for Jacob Black would have had to have been strong for her to actually work up the courage to tell him.

_6. Have a family with him. X_

Bella had always tried to convince Edward that having a family was something she had not wanted. I was glad that she had got the opportunity to have one with Jacob Black, even if I did dislike the Quiluetes' protectors. She had obviously done a good job of being a parent too, or else her daughter would not be here. Lizzie's love for her family was obvious to anyone who cared to look.

_7. Tell those kids how Jake and I got together (minus the V'S and W's). X_

So Lizzie had not known about our existence before beginning her self-issued challenge to complete her mother's bucket list. She had obviously inherited her mother's easy acceptance of the weird, wonderful and scary place that was the world.

_8. Buy another bike and ride it to Charlie's house. X_

Number eight had an "X" obviously written by Lizzie beside it. The word "another" bothered me. Bella had never given us any hint that she was interested in motorcycles. Judging from the way I had seen Lizzie controlling her bike she would have had no reservations about completing number eight. She obviously did have an obsession with bikes if her worry about the one she had brought with her was any indication.

_9. Find Jasper Hale and tell him it wasn't his fault. _

Just like with number one, Bella had been thinking of someone else. My husband had never truly stopped blaming himself for what had happened with Bella. No one, not even Edward had blamed him. Edward was still angry at what had happened, but even Jasper himself had admitted that Edward was not blaming him. He blamed himself for bringing Bella into our world.

_10. Slap Paul again, just to see if his control will hold. X_

The "X" beside number ten was clearly in Lizzie's handwriting. I wasn't sure who Paul was, but I guessed that he had a guess was reinforced by the fact that Bella had never slapped him. I would have to ask Lizzie to tell me about it.

_11. Get a book published. X_

Bella had always been amazing at English. She had excelled in it, much more than in the majority of her other subjects. The fact that she had got a book published did not surprise me. I would have to buy a copy. Hopefully, it was still in print.

_12. Go skydiving. X_

Again, Lizzie had written the "X" next to it. Bella had probably been too busy raising her family to go skydiving. She had always been the type of person to push something she wanted to the side for someone else.

_13. Give Emmett Cullen a bear hug again. _

I giggled as I read number 13. Lizzie was in for a shock when she did get around to giving Emmett a bear hug. It also increased that pang of sadness a bit because Bella had wanted to do something so simple but had been unable to. It was a reminder of what we had taken away from her when we had left.

_14. Get my degree in creative writing. X_

Number 14 impressed me. From what Lizzie had said I gathered that Bella had gotten married and started her family young and in the same year. She had to have been incredibly busy, but she had still managed to get a college degree. Had she gotten it before or after writing her book?

_15. Tell Elizabeth who she's named for._

Bella had never told Lizzie who she was named for. I knew that it had to be Edward's mother. Surely Bella had not known that many Elizabeths. I was unsure whether or not I should tell her. I thought about it for a second, and decided I would ask Edward about it later, after he had been convinced not to go to Italy.

_16. Find Rosalie Hale and taunt her about the fact that I still have my truck._

I laughed outright at number 16. Lizzie would be lucky if she survived taunting Rose. Still, it was funny that Bella had included it. I ignored the looks Esme and Rose gave me and returned to the list.

_17. Tell Edward I love him (even though I loved Jake just as much)_

The pang of sadness I had been feeling turned into a full blown ache. She had still loved my brother after what he had done to her, after what he had said to her. She had moved on with Jacob, but a part of her had always belonged to Edward. It was like something out of a cheesy romance novel.

_18. Give Edward my letters. _

Letters? What letters? I would have to ask Lizzie later. For some reason I wanted to finish this list first. I had no idea why. Perhaps it was because it was the first thing to connect me to Bella in over two decades?

_19. Learn how to fly a plane. X_

Lizzie had learned how to fly a plane? That was awesome. Personally I had no clue how to fly a plane, but Jasper had his license. He took us up sometimes. It's always incredibly cool and sexy, especially when he wears his pilot costume.

_20. Go cliff-diving again, but with the whole pack this time. X_

Pack? What did she mean by pack? There had only been one wolf when we had left Forks, and we had only expected Jacob Black to change once we had left. How on Earth was there a pack in existence? Lizzie obviously knew about them - she had after all, gone cliff-diving with them. I would have to add another question to the growing lists of ones I had collected throughout the list to ask her.

_21. Talk baby-talk to Leah just to check her temper control._

I was not sure who Leah was anymore than I was sure of who Paul was. It made me realize just how much about Bella I did nor know now. She had lived over 20 years of her life without us.

Bella had gotten married, had a family, gained new friends and changed. Not one of us had witnessed it, and I felt poignant regret at that fact.

"Do you want to read it?"

Esme nodded at my question, and I handed her the list. Rose read it after her, and Lizzie's eyes watch both of them constantly as they handled the fragile and aged piece of paper.

"Would you like a pen so that you can cross off number three?"

Lizzie responded with a nod as Rose handed her back Bella's list. She quickly scribbled an "X", and had just handed me back the pen when a crash came from downstairs. I did not react, and neither did Esme or Rose when they saw how relaxed I was.

Lizzie jumped and quickly asked what the hell it had been.

"It's just Edward trying to run. Jasper and Emmett had to practically drag him back here. I suppose we had better go down - yes, Lizzie, your presence will help to calm him. He won't want to harm Bella's daughter."

We all stood and walked downstairs. The other three looked a little nervous, but I wasn't. I knew the exact state our living room was in, and how much it would cost to repair everything.

When Edward threw a tantrum, he _really_ threw a tantrum.


	10. Chapter 10: Wages

_**A/N: I have to say sorry to Emma. I told her that I had accidently deleted this, and burned the paper copy. lol. Sorry, Em!**_

_Dear Edward,_

_I still miss you, all of you, but Jake has made it just that tiny bit more bearable. He makes me smile without even trying. _

_His friends are just as good. Embry and Quil are hilarious, and know exactly how to lighten up the atmosphere of a room. They're constantly mocking Jake, and I do enjoy joining in sometimes. I know he wants more, but I just can't. I'm broken, and Jake doesn't deserve someone who is broken. He needs someone who is fully alive and sane. Someone who doesn't always see the bad in things and who wonders if life is even worth living anymore. _

_In other words, he needs someone who is not me. Jake is one of the kindest souls I have ever met. He likes to think that he is a tough guy, but secretly (or not so secretly) he's just a big softie. He's so mature for his age._

_We're fixing up some bikes are the moment, and I can't wait to ride them. They took more to cost then they're worth, but neither of us really care. _

_I still miss you, Edward._

_As Always, Love Bella_

Lizzie

Alice had not been joking when she had said that Edward was trying to run. Jasper and Emmett were currently pinning the asshat to the sofa while he struggled.

He had absolutely destroyed the living room. I heard Esme allow a gasp to escape in horror. I was shocked - how on Earth had he created this much damage in the thirty seconds it had taken the five of us (Carlisle had appeared at the end of the stairs seconds after us) to walk down the stairs?

The three armchairs that had previously been arranged in a stylish fashion around the arm now lay on their sides, bits of the "sponge" (as I liked to call it) escaping through the holes and cracks in the leather. Paintings and photographs had fallen from their places on the walls, and many of the frames had cracked. A couple of the wooden floorboards had cracked, and I could see at least three cracks in the wall that would need re-plastering.

The sofa that Edward was currently pinned to was also torn and cracked. I watched as Edward tried to push up against his two brothers, and they shoved him back down. The force of him slamming back onto the sofa broke it. The wood supporting the sofa snapped, and the three vampires on it collapsed to the ground with it.

I snorted at the sight, but attempted to stop myself from bursting out in laughter. My attempt failed as Alice finally allowed Carlisle to try to help. The second he tried to pin his son's leg down he was tripped and a loud rip sounded throughout the room. For some reason everyone froze. I finally burst out into laughter as Alice began in a calm, restricted tone that told everyone of her anger.

"I just know that you did not just rip Carlisle's shirt, Edward. I had that shirt flown in especially from Milan!"

She raised her voice a little louder with every word, and I could not stop laughing. Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle were all still on top of the collapsed sofa looking like twits, and the pixie-like Alice was yelling at the one at the bottom of the pile.

Who would not laugh?

"What's so funny?"

The bear-like grin on Emmett's face only made me laugh even harder, and I was unable to get out the words that I wanted to.

"You...Edward...Bang!...twits...pixie...yell...funny...can't...oh God...can't...can't...can't breathe...laughing too...too hard."

Emmett's grin grew until he too was laughing, and soon Emoward was the only one who was not.

I told him about his name change and his mouth only twitched. Asshat. Even he did have a nice - asshat.

Edward needed a serious personality make over, and as I thought about it I realized exactly how I could give him one.

"Edward? Can I talk to you for a second. I need to sit down, because I'm tired. Motels were not exactly good for getting much sleep, let alone a proper night's worth."

I looked at him expectantly, and realized that Alice was still glaring at him. She had obviously not seen what I was going to do. Weird.

"Alice, you can murder your brother after I talk to him. I promise you."

Edward reluctantly stood as his sister nodded sharply and walked began to walk into the kitchen with me.

"Do not think we won't be discussing your plan to go to Italy to visit the Volturi, my son."

Esme warned Edward of what was coming with a fierce look in her eyes, and I wondered why she had bothered to say it aloud. Edward was a mind reader, she could have simply thought it towards him.

Edward was silent as he sat at the opposite end of the marble kitchen counter. He just looked at me and I suddenly found myself irritated that he had the ability to read my thoughts, even if they got somewhat scrambled before reaching him. I did not want him to be able to read them! I wanted there to be someway to block him.

A look of confusion crossed Edward's face, making him look like a puppy trying to figure something out. I hoped that thought had got across to him loud and clear.

"How did you do that?"

I looked at him weirdly. What the hell was he on about now?

"How did I do what, Edward?"

Edward just stared at me as if I had grown a second head for a few seconds before muttering "nothing". It was obviously a lie, but I decided to let it go. He was really getting on my nerves. The quickest way to piss me off is to build up to something and then cut that "something" off. Ugh. Again, I must remind myself; Edward Cullen is an asshat.

"Well, Edward..."

I told him about my mom's list of things she had wanted to do before she had died. He did not say one word as I spoke, even when I started to tell him about how my mom had included him and some of his family on her list.

When I mentioned her letters he twitched, but he still did not say anything. Still, it was a sign that he was actually paying attention to me.

"So, she wanted to give them to you, and I'm going to do it for her. And believe me, Edward, I will. The thing is though...I'm going to make you earn them, one by one.

His eyes shot up to meet mine again, wide with confusion. He quite obviously was not getting anything from my mind at the moment.

I smirked before finally explaining what I had meant by my words.

"You..."

I pointed a finger at him accusingly and glared.

"You are hurting your family by acting the way you are, Edward. I will give you the letters that my mom wrote and wanted to give to you, but only if you do something good that deserves a reward or go a day without making someone feel as melancholy as you enjoy being.

Of course, that means I would have to stay a little longer than planned. Carlisle, Esme, is it okay if - "

"Of course, Lizzie. You can stay as long as you want."

Esme's voice floated through the doorway between the rooms.

"So Edward, do you think you can rise to the challenge?"

Asshat nodded stiffly before going upstairs and I soon followed him. Alice showed me which room I would be staying in, and I collapsed on my bed gratefully.

It was tempting to just sleep in my clothes, but I mustered up the energy to open the suitcase that I had sent on a week before leaving. I changed into an old, long t-shirt to sleep in, crawled under the covers and closed my eyes with a sigh of relief.

I really was tired, and I need my rest for tomorrow. I had a feeling that it would be another emotionally exhausting day.


	11. Chapter 11: Firsts and more Sorrys

_Dear Edward, _

_I kissed Jake! I kissed him. All this time...I felt like we were building up to something, and I suspected that maybe he'd kiss me. But he didn't. So I kissed him instead! I don't know where the confidence to do it, but I did._

_It was amazing too. So much more than I ever could have wished for! He was so sweet afterwards, even asked me if I was okay with it, even though I'd been the one to kiss him. _

_I'm glad I did it. I really am. _

_As Always, Love Bella_

Edward

Esme glared at me when I walked back into the living room. She was not the only one that was extremely angry or annoyed with me, as each of their thoughts clearly told.

_Jackass, serves you right..._

_Going to Italy, no, actually even contemplating going to Italy has the potential to destroy this family, Edward. How could you even consider hurting us like that again?_

_Son, your recent idiotic plan will not be the only thing we discuss tonight..._

_That shirt cost 400 US dollars! Urgh, I can't get another one..._

_You are so selfish, Edward! You have already torn our family apart once, why would you need to do it again?_

_Get over yourself, Dude. You are not the most important man on the planet, and you are not the first one to experience a broken heart!_

_If you had truly loved Bella you would never have left her!_

_Your own fault..._

_Lion, my ass..._

_Edward!...How could you hurt us again?_

_Maybe earning those letters will do you some good...Why Bella would want to leave them to you is astonishing..._

Thought after thought was fired towards me, and (even though I knew a vampire could not develop one) I could have sworn I felt a headache coming on. My hands automatically raised to massage my temple, even though there was really no pain. Hallucinated headaches could be even worse than what I had experienced through the thoughts of humans.

"Look, I..."

"No!"

Every member of my family including Alice was pissed at me, and there was nothing I could do to calm them.

"You have no right to do this to us again."

Rosalie was the one who spoke. Her face and voice were clear of any emotion except anger. Her glare could have burned a hole through stainless steel, and had I not had it directed towards me many times before I would have flinched.

"You already tore us apart when you decided to leave Bella in Forks, and go off and live by yourself. Have you any idea how each and everyone of us worried day after day after day after bloody day about whether or not Esme and Carlisle would receive their next call? We didn't know if we would ever see you again, Edward. You are our brother, Esme and Carlisle's son!

What did any of us ever do to deserve someone who treats us like you do? We're family, Edward."

She looked at me and I could see that had she been human she would have been crying. I was shocked - this was Rosalie Hale. Rose had just barely put up with me ever since she had been changed, yet here she was, in near tears because of me.

"Going to Italy...that wouldn't just tear us apart, Edward. It would destroy us. Before Bella, you were the one we could all depend on. You were always there for us, and okay, maybe that wasn't fair on you most of the time. My point is that we all needed you, and still do now. You're a vital part of this family! Without you, it doesn't work. Sure, we still love each other, and are capable of living together, but the truth is that we're not complete. Everytime we do something together there's something missing, or rather, someone. "

"She's right, Dude. You can't just up and decide to destroy us! What gives you the right, huh?"

Emmett hugged his wife from behind as he said his piece, and glared at me.

"You hurt us before, and you just damn near did it again. You used to be one of the least selfless people I knew, but since you made the decision to leave Bella you have become so wrapped up in the pain that you just don't seem to care about anyone else anymore."

Emmett stopped speaking, pressed a kiss to the top of Rosalie's head and continued to glare at me. Jasper took off from where he had stopped, stepping forward while Alice held his hand in hers.

"And there's your problem, Edward. You made the decision to leave. We knew that you were making the wrong decision, but when we failed to convince you we left because we respected your decision. When you left, everyone's emotions were so strong that I felt like this for months."

I gasped as I felt pain that was far worse than anything I had ever experienced rip through my body. My chest felt even hollower than it had when I had left Forks, and Bella behind me. Every thought hurt, and I could barely work up the motivation to think, let alone actually move.

This was what I had forced my family to feel for months?

"I...I didn't mean to..."

I took a deep breath, attempting to control my emotions.

"I never meant to make any of you feel that way. I just...after Bella left I didn't want, no, I couldn't be around all of you and see each and everyone of you happy with your mates. It hurt so much, and I thought if I left then maybe I could stop my pain from transferring over to you, which obviously didn't happen..."

I paused for several seconds and blinked in shock when I felt Esme's arms wrap around me. Gulping and closing my eyes at the relief my mother's hug gave me, I wrapped my arms around her too.

_Just don't do it again, Sweetheart. It isn't as if you have to leave again. I know that Bella's...death will probably make you feel even worse than before, but we can help you through it. We're hurting too, especially because of how...because of what she did. She's probably better off. Bella would not have killed herself if she did not truly feel as if she had nothing left. I know how she felt, Edward, and trust me she is better off now. _

The reason for Esme's turning had not been something to occur to me when I had been thinking of how Bella had died. In actuality they were quite similar, and I believed my mother (for all intents and purposes when she told me that she understood what Bella had been feeling. However, I did not understand how Bella could be better off. Esme herself had admitted she was grateful Carlisle had saved her. It had been a dark place in her life, but with our family's help she had left it behind her.

"I'm sorry."

Carlisle's hand came to rest on my shoulder comfortingly, and he directed his thoughts towards me once again.

_It's okay son. Just...think about how your actions would affect the rest of us next time, okay?_

Closing my eyes, I savored the feeling of hugging my mom again. Leaving for over 20 years had not been the right decision - for me, or my family. Subconsciously I think I had realized that years ago, but I had forced it to the back of my mind, unable to deal with my mistakes along with the pain of existing without Bella. For years I had merely existed, alone without the woman I loved and without the comfort of belonging to my family to help me get over it.

Emmett was right. I was not the first man to experience a broken heart, and I would not be the last either. I had suffered for 20 years, but I had deserved that suffering. Maybe now I could finally...not move on, but live again. If loving Bella had taught me one thing, it was that even though I was truly alive...I could still live. I could still enjoy, love, feel and experience so much! There was no way I could ever feel as amazing and live as much as I had when I was with Bella, but I could live. My Bella, my lamb was gone, but I...I was not. I was still alive. Still kicking, even with an unbeating heart.

There was no reason for me to exist as I had for the past 20 odd years. Even I was not sure of the exact number of years. So much time had been wasted by me wallowing in self pity, never thinking about anybody else. My family had loved Bella too, and I had never considered that.

Bella had been Alice's best friend, Esme and Carlisle's third daughter, Emmett's little sister! Jasper had not been as close as Emmett, but I knew that he had loved her as a part of the family, and though Rose would not admit it, she had cared for her too. Leaving Bella had hurt them as much as it had hurt me, but they had done it because I had asked them to not because they had wanted to.

It was not until a few hours after that I had time on my own again. Esme had kept my piano, even during my absence, and I sat at the stool of it for several hours after the sun had risen. I didn't play it, choosing instead to just lay my fingers on the keys and reflect. Bella had loved when I had taken the time to play the piano for her - to perform as she put it.

_She looked even more beautiful when she smiled. The blush that enveloped her face when I told her that made me laugh, and I reached out a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. Bella shoved me lightly, and I pretended that it had an effect. _

_"Play more for me?"_

_Leaning forward, I pressed a kiss on Bella's lips. _

_"Of course. What do you want me to play?"_

It was ten before I was stirred out of my memories by the sound of Lizzie waking. She took a shower before coming downstairs, and a small smile graced my face as I heard her singing during it.

_**"'Cause I'm stronger than yesterday!"**_

Maybe she liked old music or something?

"She's almost dressed Edward. Just knock before you go in. "

Alice smiled at me from where she stood in the doorway, before she turned and walked back to Jasper. I took her advice, and walked at a human pace to the room which Lizzie had been given. I knocked on the door three times, and waited for a few seconds until she told me to come on in.

She was sitting on her bed, and seemed to be putting away a folder.

"Hello. I...I just wanted to apologize. You were right. I was selfish when I left my family, and I should not have blamed you for Bella's death. It was not your fault, and Bella would have hated it if you blamed yourself. Trust me, she got angry at me a lot for blaming myself for...things. "

Hoping that Lizzie understood what I was trying to say, I sat down beside her on the bed.

"I'm just..sorry."

I was confused when Lizzie stood and walked to the chest of drawers that I had just seen her put something in. Her mind was partially closed off at the moment, and all I could "hear" from her was something about "working".

"I told you had to earn them. Here."

She held out a piece of paper to me and I took it gently.

This was a piece of Bella. This tiny, seemingly insignificant piece of paper was what was connecting me to Bella. Not just the 17 teen year old girl I had fallen in love with, but the women she had grown to be after I had left.

_Dear Edward, _

_Jake and I told Charlie we were going out today. I was hesitate to tell him incase everything went...well, you could probably guess why if you were here. But then, if you were here I wouldn't have had anything to tell Charlie about me and Jake would I? _

_If I had never met you then Jake and I...we probably would not be as in love as were are. We've been together six months now, and he makes me feel so alive! When he touches me, it's as if we're meant to stay connected to each other forever. Not in the sense that Alice and Jasper are, or any other members of your family, but a human forever. _

_I want to grow old with him. I want to sit on a couch someday, waiting for our children and grandchildren to come visit. I can't wait for that. I'm happy. _

_As Always, Love Bella. _

"Thank you."

Bella's letter showed that she had moved on. Now it was time for me to do the same.


	12. Chapter 12: Blameless

_Dear Edward,_

_I met Jake's sister Rebecca today. She was nice enough, and seemed happy to be there. We got on great too. Jake was delighted of course, but I could see that she was just waiting for Jake to leave us alone. Once she did I found out why she had been waiting for him to leave. _

_Rebecca told me that she knew that Jake had been in love with me for a long time, and that if I ever, ever hurt him then she would personally beat the crappe out of me for it. _

_I laughed. Then I promised her that I would never hurt Jake, that I loved him with all my heart and know that I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I caught her staring behind me, and when I turned Jake was standing there. _

_I hadn't told him that I was in love with him before, and he appeared shocked. We talked about it later, and we finally both said the words. It wasn't just him. I feel so much happier after telling him. I don't know why I didn't do it earlier. _

_As Always, Love Bella._

Lizzie

After Edward had read one of my mom's letters I decided to try to find Jasper. Alice had told me that what my mom had wanted to do would be important to him, so I had decided to try to cross it off today.

I could see why too. If Jasper had truly been blaming himself for something since he and the rest of the Cullens had left Forks. . . well, I would prefer to lift that blame as soon as I could. I had no idea what he had been blaming himself for, but I intended to ask him to tell me if he could.

Someone had obviously told Jasper that I wanted to talk to him, because he was waiting at the end of the stairs when I walked down them. He smiled at me reassuringly, but I noticed that his lips remained pursed and he wasn't breathing.

"Hey Jasper. Mind if I talk to you? Mom wanted me to tell you something. It was on her list so. . . we can do it another time if you're busy though."

I was standing on the last step bat the time I started to speak to him, and had to look up to meet his eyes. He was quite a bit taller than me, and it was one of the few times in my life that I actually felt short.

"Of course."

He nodded his head at me gracefully, and gestured towards the living room.

"We fixed it up somewhat. Shall we talk in there?"

Jasper's voice was strained, and his eyes were dark. I wasn't sure what that meant - or why they would change color at all, actually but I decided not to comment for fear of accidently offending him. I walked into the living room ahead of him and sat on the chair closest to the door. The folder that I had almost forgotten was in my hand fell out of it as I sat down, so I reached down to pick it up.

It wasn't until after I picked it up that I really looked around. The place looked bare, as if someone had only just moved into the place. The only visible damage was a cracked floorboard and a few holes in the wall. It didn't look too bad, but compared to how it had been before Edward's temper. . . well, compared to that it looked terrible.

"Alice and Esme are already planning how to re-decorate it."

Jasper's words shocked me out of my thoughts and I spun around to face him, blushing.

"Sorry, I just got distracted. Happens a lot when I've only just got out of bed."

"Don't worry about it."

I noticed that Jasper's lips were pressed tightly together again, and wondered why. Maybe it was a habit of his or something? It just seemed like he was (almost) in pain.

"What did you want to talk about?"

Clumsily, I opened the folder that contained my mom's list and the letters. Alice's email address was now in there too, as I had added it this morning in case I would lose it. I searched through it until I found her list, and pulled it out.

"She wrote this list of things to do before she died and... did Alice tell you any of this already? I don't want to repeat something if you already know."

"She told me that Bella had wanted you to tell me something, but she didn't tell me what or how she told you to tell me. I was out of the house when you explained to the girls."

I chewed my lip before I began to explain again.

"Well, she never got to finish the list, so I decided to finish it for her. Skydiving, cliff diving and learning to fly... I got all that stuff done first, and then came here to find you and the rest of your family.

Not all of you were mentioned personally, but she wanted to find all of you. She. . . well, she mentioned you personally. Wanted to tell you something. It was important. Well, I think it was. I don't understand why she wanted to tell you that - obviously she didn't tell me and she had no need to clarify on her own list.

I don't think she even told my dad that it existed. Otherwise he would have made sure that she finished it. Well, I'm not sure about the stuff about her tracking you and the rest of your family down. The rest he would have made sure she completed, though..."

I paused before I told him what my mom had wanted to. Hopefully he would understood what she had meant, because I had no idea.

"She wanted me to tell you that. . . that it wasn't your fault. Like I said, I don't know what she meant."

Jasper seemed shocked, and his mouth dropped open as he took in a deep breath (seemingly) sub-consciously. His eyes instantly darkened even more, and seemed to focus in on me. I looked down to where his gaze was aimed, but saw nothing. There was nothing on my chest or throat, which was where it seemed to be aimed.

"Jasper? Jasper? You okay?"

She brushed off her chest, hoping to knock off whatever Jasper was looking at.

"Do I have something on me? Jasper?"

I was shocked when he suddenly just wasn't there anymore. It was if he had just disappeared, and I didn't move for a few seconds. Esme appeared just seconds after I stood, worry and relief visible on her face.

"Esme? What's wrong? Where's Jasper gone? He was here one minute and then he was just gone the next. . . I have no idea what happened."

"Calm down, sweetie."

Esme laid her hand on my shoulder, and smiled reassuringly at me.

"Jasper. . . he still struggles with our diet. Over the past few years his resolve has strengthened, and his control along with it. It just overcame him. . . you smell a lot like your mother. There are some differences of course, but relatives have similar scents most of the time. He left."

She clarified when she saw that I was confused. To what extent had he left?

"He's just gone hunting. Alice went with him. Jasper couldn't explain - it would have just made the chance of him losing control even larger than it already was. Alice told me that she wants to talk to you when they return."

I watched Esme's face as she spoke. She still looked worried, but I didn't blame her and it was easy to see why.

"He will be okay though? I didn't mean to upset him, if that contributed."

"Oh no, don't worry about it, Lizzie."

I smiled at her, still a bit unsure. We talked for a bit longer, until she told me that Jasper and Alice were back from their hunt.

"Alice is waiting in your room for you. "

I walked out of the living room quickly, but rushed back in when I realized that I had forgotten my folder.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't realize. . . "

Carlisle had obviously walked into the room through the other entrance as I had walked off, as I had just walked in him kissing Esme. I blushed, a little embarrassed. If I knew them better than I did I would not have taken a tack of notice, but the fact was that I didn't and was unsure of how they would react. Luckily they didn't appear mad.

In fact, they just smiled at me and both chuckled a little. Apologizing quickly, I grabbed my folder and hurried upstairs. I was half way up before I heard the two of them burst into laughter. They had obviously been trying to keep it in, and this time even I snorted a bit. I knew they could hear me.

Pushing the door to the room I had been given open, I saw Alice on my bed. She was giggling to herself, obviously having overheard what had happened downstairs.

"Hey, Alice."

"Hello, Lizzie. Did Carlisle and Esme give you any tips on making out?"

She smiled as she said it, but I still blushed a little at her words. Luckily it wasn't as easy to see on my skin as it had been on my mother's skin. She had been so pale that it had spread everywhere in seconds. My blush only ever appeared in my cheeks, thankfully.

"You should be thankful that it wasn't Em and Rose that you walked in on, Lizzie. Emmett wouldn't have just laughed. He'd have mocked you for days!"

Even I had to laugh at that. I wanted to get to know them better - all of them. Even the asshat. Hopefully he would become. . . more likeable though, because I didn't really want to get to know a whiny and self-pitying guy who had a big ego. He seemed to have improved already, but I just hoped that he wouldn't stop.

I knew that if he really wanted to get my mom's letters without permission that all he had to do was sneak in while I slept and take them. There was no reason he couldn't - well, except for the fact that I was pretty sure that the rest of his family would stop him from taking them.

He hadn't though, and I knew he hadn't because of his reaction to the letter that I had given him earlier. Edward had clearly been reading my mom's letter for the first time, as he had seemed to be processing it as he read it.

"Yeah that would have awkward alright."

I walked over to the bed and sat on it. Gesturing towards the pen that lay close to her, I asked her to pass it to me.

"Thanks. I just cross telling Jasper off my list. Won't take two seconds."

"Sure."

I pulled the list out of the folder, placed a tick next to 9 and skimmed through it again.

_Things I want to do before I die:_

_1. Track down Edward Cullen and tell him I'm okay._

_2. Write a novel on mythical creatures. X_

_3. Get Alice Cullen's real email address. X_

_4. Watch Marley and Me and not cry. X_

_5. Tell Jake how my feelings have changed. X_

_6. Have a family with him. X_

_7. Tell those kids how Jake and I got together (minus the V +W's) X_

_8. Buy another bike, and ride it to Charlie's house. X_

_9. Find Jasper Hale and tell him it wasn't his fault. X_

_10. Slap Paul again, just to see if his control will hold. X_

_11. Get a book published X_

_12. Go skydiving. X_

_13. Give Emmett Cullen a bear hug again._

_14. Get my degree in creative writing. X_

_15. Tell Elizabeth who she's named for._

_16. Find Rosalie Hale and taunt her about the fact that I still have my truck._

_17. Tell Edward that I love him. (even though I love Jake just as much)_

_18. Give Edward my letters._

_19. Learn how to fly a plane. X_

_20. Go cliff-diving again, but with the whole pack this time. X_

_21. Talk baby-talk to Leah just to check her temper control. X_

There were six things left on the list for me to do, and I was only completely sure that I could complete five of them. I hoped that since my mom had been close to the Cullens when she was younger that they would be able to tell me someday, but I didn't plan to ask just yet.

I slid the list back into the folder, and placed it on the bed beside me.

"Esme said you wanted to talk to me after you and Jasper came back from hunting. . . is something wrong, Alice?"

"I just wanted to thank you. For what you said to Jasper. It helped you know, and believe me when I say that he's as grateful as I am. Jasper's been blaming himself for what happened with Bella."

I asked her the question I had wanted to ask Jasper, but hadn't got a chance to. He had left to go hunting before I had gotten the chance.

"What happened exactly? That Mom wanted him to know he wasn't to blame for."

Alice looked as if she was considering whether or not to tell me. How bad could it be?

"Don't get mad okay? At him or Edward. It wasn't either or their faults. We threw a birthday party for Bella's 18th. Well, I did. It was going fine, and then she got a papercut while she was opening one of her presents. Jasper. . . it was hard enough for him to be around human anyway, but Bella was bleeding. It wasn't much. but it was blood so he lost control. He didn't bite her or anything. Edward pushed her out of the way and she ended up hurt.

Carlisle had to give her stitches and Edward. . . Edward was distraught. He decided that if he stayed with Bella she would be in danger, so we all left. We didn't want to, but we respected his decision. Jasper believed that was his fault that we'd had to leave Forks and Bella. I tried to tell him that it wasn't so many times, but he never believed me. When you told him that Bella herself had wanted to tell him that. . . well, I couldn't imagine what he's feeling right now. "

She paused before continuing.

"He was a bit upset that he almost lost control, but he's okay now. Jasper's just gonna stay away from you for the rest of the day just in case."

"Oh okay."

I was shocked at her explanation. Why would Edward leave over something like that? It wasn't as if Jasper had done it on purpose. I had only met him yesterday, but it was already clear to me (especially after what had happened earlier) that he wouldn't have deliberately attacked a human.

"I know that he wouldn't have done that on purpose. I mean, look at her little time has passed since I once met him and I know that."

I smiled at Alice, and was shocked when she reached out and pulled me close. It took me a few seconds to realize that she was hugging me, and for me to react and hug her back.

She beamed at me as she pulled back, and though I was slightly colder than I had been before I felt better than before too. It was weird though, because I hadn't exactly been feeling any worse than I normally did before Alice had hugged me. Hesitantly I lifted one side of my mouth to half smile back at her. I had noticed myself doing that a lot lately. Smiling. Even when I had gone back home I had smiled a maximum of twice a day. In the past day alone I had smiled so many times I had lost count.

I just hoped that was a good thing.


	13. Chapter 13: Creep

_Dear Edward, _

_I haven't written in a while. I'm not going to apologize; I've been busy. The girls are two months now, flying. There hasn't been much else for me to do, other than look after them. Jake . . . we've been fighting a lot. I wish we could stop, I wish that everything wasn't so difficult. It's not like I don't trust him- I know that he loves me and he would never do anything to hurt me, but when we fight I just – I lose it. I'm liable to say anything, things that I know he would never do, that I know are untrue. I need to talk to him about it, but with the twins there's just no time. I think I'll ask Emily and Sam to take them for a night. Maybe that'll help. I don't know why I wrote to you. Nothing major's happened, maybe I just needed to vent. I have nothing else to say._

_As Always, Love Bella._

_Liars. They were lying. They had to be. I didn't believe them, I couldn't believe them, I didn't want to believe them. Turning from them I ran, though I had no destination in mind. The sound of them calling after me echoed in my ears as I realized I was running through woods. Someone chased after, tried to bring me back . . . but I didn't stop. I just kept running, continuing to ignore the calls for me to come back._

_Branches scrapped my face, hands and clothes as I ran through them, and I knew that I would have several cuts and tears in them. I couldn't bring myself to care, unable to focus on anything other than running from them, from that, from what they were saying had happened. I knew it wasn't true, knew it couldn't be, it just wasn't possible! There was no way that it could have happened, no way that they could be just gone. _

_The dip in the ground was unexpected, something I hadn't been thinking about. It was deep, and my breath caught as my feet went over it. I screamed as I felt myself falling, the twigs that snapped beneath me cutting my skin as I fell. It seemed endless, as though I would never stop. There was no way I could control my fall, no way I could save myself. There was no way I could stop myself from hitting the rock, and I tried to brace myself as it came closer._

_Suddenly the woods disappeared, my impending injury disappearing with it, replaced by my old room, still filled with childish whims and likes. My mother was crying, begging me to stay, while I ignored her and packed my bag. I was leaving, I wasn't coming back . . . everything was going to be okay. I wouldn't hurt anymore, wouldn't have to live with the reminders every day. I wouldn't be attending the party they'd arranged – whose stupid idea had that been anyway? _

_Then I throwing my packed bag on my back, and grabbing the keys for my new bike. Telling my mom that I loved her I clambered on the bike, trying to ignore the calls that were coming from the others that she had obviously called. I couldn't stay. We would both . . . both of us would be better off this way. Mom wouldn't have to put up with my snappish and hurtful ways, and I could run, be free, and get over it. _

"_You killed me."_

_My mom's cold stare froze me in my tracks, her presence unexpected in the cheap Ohio motel. She stuck out, her body outlined by a dark shadow. Her glare was cold, accusing and full of hatred. It was exactly what I had always feared, what I had always expected. _

"_I didn't . . . I didn't mean –"_

"_You left me alone, you left me, Lizzie! You killed me, you drove me to this. It's your fault, all your fault. You're not my daughter – you didn't care, didn't love me enough, you wanted this, you wanted to kill me! You wanted to hurt us all, you did this on purpose! Me, Billy, Charlie, the others . . . you didn't give a damn."_

_I sobbed loudly as she spoke, her words ringing through my head. _

"_Do you even care how much you leaving hurt him?"_

_Uncle Sam's words were her next accusation, the memory of his berating returning with them. There was no emotion in my mom's voice besides hatred, no forgiveness or love. I had done too much damage, done too much . . . killed her._

"_You know it, too. You know what you did; you know that I hate you!"_

"No!"

"Lizzie, Lizzie, wake up. It's just a dream, nothing's wrong. It's not real, Lizzie wake up!"

I could feel myself being shaken lightly, the barest amount of force being applied. Whoever was calling me was gentle, and as my eyes flashed open I realized I was sitting up. Edward's eyes stared into mine as I tried to catch my breath, and I could feel his hands – one resting on my waist, the other still on my shoulder where he (I assumed) had been shaking me in his attempts to wake me from my dream (though it felt like more of a nightmare) only seconds previously.

He was not speaking, and continued his silence for the minute or so that it took me to catch my breath. My mom's face and the words that she had thrown at me still remained in my mind, and I felt a tear escape me and roll down my face as I looked away from Edward. I did not want to give him any more reasons to dislike me. I was not quite sure when I had given him the reasons that he hated me for now – I was not even sure that I had given him any. I did, however, know that I did not want to give him any more, and I was going to do my best to not give them to the seemingly always angry vampire.

"Are you alright?"

The lowly spoken words shocked me and I stared at him for several seconds before clearing my throat and replying.

"Yeah, I . . . I'm fine."

I swallowed, and realized that Edward still had not moved his hands from my waist and shoulder. I was leaning against him slightly, and the thought occurred to me that perhaps he thought I was not able to sit up myself. The thought was mortifying, and so I quickly moved to shift my weight off him slightly. I instantly felt him move his hands off of me.

I sat myself back against the pillows, and pulled the covers up to my waist. Edward moved to the chair beside my bed, and I watched him for a few seconds before I spoke to him again. He seemed uncomfortable, and I wondered if that was because of me, or because he was so unused to being in the same home as his family. I assumed it was a mixture of both, but I was not exactly sure. After all, there was no way that I could get inside his head. Though it was fair enough, I supposed. He could not get inside mine at will, either – whether that was truly Carlisle's theory at work or my own freakish mind I still had to decide, but I was glad that Edward could not read my thoughts as he could read the others' minds.

"I'm sorry for you know, uh, waking you up."

Edward's lips quirked up at the edges, and I was surprised at how different he looked when he smiled. He actually looked like he could be friendly, and (dare I say it) easy going. It was an assumption on my part, but to me it seemed as though Edward Cullen (or the asshat as I had begun to think of him as) did not smile that often. He acted as though it was not a regular occurrence for him anyway – though that could have just been my opinion.

"What's so funny?"

The smallest glimmer of a smile graced Edward's face at my question, once again completely changing his face. It was not a bad look on him either – not that I was looking or anything.

"We don't sleep. Vampires . . . no longer have any need to sleep or to rest. Our bodies never tire, even if our minds do."

I could feel my eyes widen as my mind processed the answer Edward provided me with. They didn't need to sleep? How was that even possible?

_Well duh._

I felt stupid as I remembered a tiny little fact – vampires were dead, right? So they would not need sleep because their hearts did not beat . . . there was nothing in their bodies that would require sleep, or even rest. Hell, they probably did not even need energy.

"Oh, right yeah, I. . . I guess that makes sense. Well, I'm sorry for interrupting whatever you were doing. I don't usually have nightmares like that. . . I haven't even had one since – since, I guess it was before I even left La Push. Even before that they were nothing like that one, at all."

I could still hear my mom's voice in my head, her accusations still ringing true.

"There is nothing to apologize for. I wasn't doing any of importance that you could have interrupted. "

Edward seemed to be doing his best to treat me decently (as he had failed to since my arrival) so I thought that perhaps I could get him to lighten up even more. He had to be able to take a joke, right? It was not as if he could completely freak out over absolutely nothing. Even he could not be that unreasonable.

"That's good then, I suppose. I mean, for a second I thought I'd interrupted you stalker-ishly watching while I slept or something!"

I laughed to show that I really was only joking, but Edward still seemed to be uncomfortable with my words. What the hell was wrong with him? It wasn't as if he'd actually been – he wouldn't have. I mean even Edward wouldn't – I mean, that was . . . there was no – I was so going to kill him if he had. I narrowed my eyes at him, but quickly felt them widen again as Edward appeared to become more uncomfortable.

"Please tell me you didn't."

Edward did not respond to me, and I felt my eyebrows rise as I realized that my suspicions that he had been watching me sleep were true. I was going to kill him. I really was. I didn't care how impossible it was for me to do it; I was going to kill him. Scratch that, I was going to do so much worse than kill him.

"You were watching me sleep? Seriously? That's . . . creepy, perverted, and weird and . . . get out. I swear, Edward get out! What the hell, man? You think that's okay? I am going to kill you – hell; I'll get someone else to do it for me so I can watch!"

The words coming out of my mouth could have not made any sense at all, and I would not have taken any notice. I just wanted him out, wanted him to go away. I felt violated – he had been watching me while I was at my most vulnerable, when someone could have done anything to me and I wouldn't have been able to fight back. Had it been a human I would have felt horrified at the possibilities, but the fact that Edward was a vampire weighed heavily on my mind. He had been designed to kill me – it was the purpose for which every single part of him had been designed to do.

The asshat was gone from the room by the time my last shouted word had left my mouth, leaving me alone to contemplate exactly what other kind of creepy, weird and . . . yeah, what other creepy things Edward could possibly surprise me with. Where the hell was his family anyway?


	14. Chapter 14: Hugs

_Dear Edward, _

_There was one of your kind near last night. Jake told me it's eyes were red, but he wouldn't tell me if he had them or not. All he would say was that it wasn't one of your family. I was so scared when he left to help the others . . . I thought maybe he wouldn't come back. The thought of her (that I find out from Seth) hurting him was terrifying. I thought maybe he would be bitten, or badly injured that he would be unable to heal himself. Luckily he wasn't. _

_I don't think I could handle being alone again. I couldn't live without my sun. _

_As Always, Love Bella_

The rest of my night was filled with nothing other than my muttering about asshats and what creepy ass things they would be doing next. Edward had not returned since I had gone all banshee on him and verbally thrown him out of my room. To be honest I thought he could have possibly even left the house, and I certainly wouldn't be upset if he had.

What did have me confused was where his family was. Surely they didn't think that his hobby of watching people (I assumed it wasn't just me) was okay? It was nine o' clock before I finally mustered up the energy to get out of bed and chance seeing the asshat again, the light in the room having forced me to the come to the realization that I had to leave my room sometime. The house was still silent when I reached the kitchen, and I wondered if Edward really had left or if he was hiding from me.

If I was him, well, then I would hide from me too. After all, no one would react well to a creep watching them sleep.

My dad told me horror stories of the evil teenage boy that had snuck into the poor innocent girl's window at night as she slept, listening to her mumbled fragments of dreams. Though my mother's novel had shown her opinion in the matter and portrayed the scene as romantic and an act of love, I had always stuck to my dad's opinion. It wasn't romantic in anyway shape or form to watch someone at their most vulnerable, at least not without their knowing and consent.

It felt weird to me, the thought of someone watching me while I was helpless, the only time that I would not be able to protect myself. Though, when I thought about it, I really was helpless all the time I spent around the Cullens. Shivering slightly at the thought of how weak I was compared to them, I shook off the thought of it. It wasn't something I wanted to focus in on while still in their home.

I seemed to be alone in the house, and though I wondered where they had all gone, my stomach was making its demands well known to me. It's loud grumble echoing throughout the rather large kitchen. What a family that no longer needed to eat had such a large sized kitchen for was a mystery to me. It was nice, that I could never debate, but it was quite a problem when I began searching for cereal. Each and every cupboard (as it always seemed to be) was searched before I finally found some form of bran, extra fibre, fortified vitamins – yeah I was just going to stick with "Cereal". Once it fed me I didn't particularly care what brand or type of cereal it was.

After my second bowl of cereal (yeah, I had pigged out a little, but I was entitled to every once in a while, right?) I heard the front door slamming open and jumped slightly. My hand settled back down right over my heart, and I glared at Emmett as he strolled happily into the kitchen. Though his demeanour was cheerful, I thought I could see an uneasy look in his eye. To me, he appeared as though he was unhappy or annoyed about something.

My guess was it was to do with the asshat.

"Hey Black! Whatacha doing?"

Despite the uneasy look his eyes held, I couldn't help but smile at the giant of a vampire standing in front of me. Even when there was a hint of insincerity to his cheerful demeanour it was infectious, and I could feel the irritation I felt at the asshat slipping away.

Who was I kidding? I was still irritated at him. I could, however force it back from the forefront of my mind, and concentrate on having a conversation instead.

"Raiding your kitchen. Took some fortified bran, healthy thing. Don't ask me what brand. Where did you all go? I know the asshat was here – for a while anyway, but where'd the rest of you go off to? And don't try to say yoga, because you are just _not_ that flexible, man."

Emmett closed his mouth at my words, and I grinned as I realized that my guess at what his reply would have been had either been accurate or scarily close. I seemed to have shocked Emmett into silence, which I took advantage of to place my bowl and spoon in the sink. I felt like a pig, but I felt like I needed something else to eat.

It wasn't as if they would know how much a human was supposed to eat, anyway. After all, none of them had eaten in over half a century – longer, I would guess.

"You mind if I throw on a bagel for myself? I'm still feeling kind of hungry."

As I had hoped he didn't seem to notice that I was making a pig out of myself, and didn't seem to blink an eye at my request.

"Sure, go ahead. Not like any of us are going to eat it. We normally just donate it to shelters once a week, saves it from going to waste."

"Thanks."

I grabbed the brown bread once I found the bread bin, throwing three slices into the toaster. Then I turned to Emmett again, raising an eyebrow. He still hadn't answered my question.

"What? Oh! We, um, we went hunting."

I was confused. Hunting? What did he mean? Surely they hadn't been running around the woods shooting – oh. The moment I realized that he meant they had been hunting to _drink_ I immediately felt like a complete and utter idiot. I didn't even have the excuse of not knowing that they hunted animals – I had just been completely obtuse.

The fact that I didn't feel fear around Emmett even after he had just admitted drinking an animal's blood shocked me. Perhaps it was the fact that I knew that they had made the decision not to feed off of humans - though it could possibly just be that I had become desensitized to things I should be shocked me. Finding out that your father and the majority of your family could change into giant wolves and that your mother had dated a vampire could (in my opinion) do that to a person. Maybe that was just me though?

_Hmm . . . possibly._

"Oh right, that explains it."

We were both silent for a few seconds, during which I wondered what the rest of his family was doing. I could hear some of them upstairs, but I wasn't sure which they were. I safely assumed that Rosalie wasn't among those upstairs when she strolled into the kitchen, her expression irritated. She seemed to make an effort to school her expression into a more relaxed one when she spoke to me.

"Hey, Lizzie. The others just need to talk, they'll be down soon. Just some family stuff, you know? Emmett's already done with it so maybe you could talk to him about the thing on your mom's list? I'm sure he'd be happy to help."

With that Rosalie's relaxed expression seemed to fall, and she left again to return to the rest of her family. I remained silent for several seconds after her absence, as did Emmett. I could feel Emmett's confusion at his wife's words. He obviously didn't know that my mom had written about him on her list. Silently I wondered if the other members of his family believed I would be angry if they spoke about my mom's list without me being present. It wasn't as if it was a huge secret that I only let certain people in on either – I had no problems with them all knowing what my mom had included on her bucket list. There was no reason for only some of them to know everything while the others only knew that the list existed. It wasn't exactly fair, either.

"On the list, um, Rosalie's talking about the fact that my mom kind of, well, mentioned you."

I felt awkward, knowing what I was about to ask of him. He didn't even know me – he only knew the bare minimum about me at the moment – and here I was, about to ask him to give me a bear hug! If I was honest I felt slightly nervous too, which I thought was understandable. Surely anyone would feel that way? Emmett was a big guy by human standards (hell, with the size of the lads on the rez for me to consider him big meant he was _big_) and that paired with his supernatural strength was intimidating. What if he hurt me by accident? I was nowhere even close to being a masochist – I hated pain.

"I mean, she wanted to ask you for something, but she obviously didn't get to so that's why I am asking. You don't have to if you don't want to . . . "

Emmett still appeared confused, so I clarified for him, hoping that he would agree. I really did want to finish my mom's list for her. I had let her down so many times in my life – this was the only way that I could even attempt to make up for it now.

"She wanted to ask you for one of your bear hugs. I kind of got the impression that she enjoyed them a lot. At least – Emmett!"

The screech that exited my throat was one so shrill that it hurt my own ears. It did not seem to have any effect on Emmett, as he continued to grin widely as he engulfed me in his arms and swung me around. Despite the fact that I was being hugged by a _vampire_, I felt safe, and protected – like nothing could go wrong. I could see why my mom had wanted another one of them. It was nice, feeling like everything was okay for once, like nothing could cause me pain or panic.

When he let me go he was still grinning, and I grinned back at him as I thanked him.

"Thanks, Emmett. Not only did I cross something off mom's list, I got an awesome hug out of it too." 

I could visibly see him preening at the compliment, and couldn't hold in the laugh that I felt the need to release at the sight.

"Now, could you do me another favour? Could you tell me why your family's been acting so weird since you came back? I've only seen you and Rosalie, but I've heard . . . some of them."

At my words Emmett looked slightly embarrassed, but he still answered me.

"They've been . . . dealing with Edward. He wasn't supposed to leave you on your own, and Alice saw glimpses of him watching you sleep – can't believe he still does that – so they're been telling them exactly what they think of his behaviour. Don't get me wrong, Edward's my brother and we all love him – don't tell him I said that! – but he's a bit of a jackass at times. "

My eyebrows rose at his last words, and so Emmett amended them.

"Okay, all of the time, but still . . . "

"You were sent to delay me weren't you?"

"Yeah, sorry I just –"

Shaking my head I reassured him it was fine, and then asked whether or not it was okay to go upstairs to my room. I wanted to cross off hugging Emmett off the list, and maybe have another read of one of my mom's letters. Edward sure as hell wouldn't be reading them anytime soon, the creepy pervert. Emmett assured me that everyone had pretty much calmed down by now, so I told him what I was doing before ascending the stairs. As I took out the list I skimmed through it, smiling lightly as I placed an "X" beside number thirteen. It looked to me as thought thirteen was not unlucky. My eyes drifted through them again after I crossed it out, considering each of them.

_1. Track down Edward Cullen and tell him I'm okay._

_2. Write a novel on mythical creatures. X_

_3. Get Alice Cullen's real email address. X_

_4. Watch Marley and Me and not cry. X_

_5. Tell Jake how my feelings have changed. X_

_6. Have a family with him. X_

_7. Tell those kids how Jake and I got together (minus the V + W's). X_

_8. Buy another bike, and ride it to Charlie's house. X_

_9. Find Jasper Hale and tell him it wasn't his fault.X_

_10. Slap Paul again, just to see if his control will hold. X_

_ a book published. X_

_12. Go skydiving. X_

_13. Give Emmett Cullen a bear hug again. X_

_14. Get my degree in creative writing. X_

_15. Tell Elizabeth who she's named for._

_16. Find Rosalie Hale and taunt her about the fact that I still have my truck._

_17. Tell Edward that I love him (even though I love Jake just as much)._

_18. Give Edward my letters._

_19. Learn how to fly a plane.X_

_20. Go cliff-diving again, but with the whole pack this time.X_

_21. Talk baby-talk to Leah just to check her temper control. X_

The one that I was worried I would be unable to complete still bothered me, but I decided to be positive. I could do this, I would finish the list.


End file.
